How Trust Gets Broken
True or false: Trust usually breaks all at once — one big moment that ends everything.
FALSE? Trust usually breaks slowly — through small broken promises, small lies, and small let-downs that add up over time. People often don't notice it happening until the pile is too big to ignore.
True or false: Saying sorry is enough to start rebuilding trust.
What is FALSE? Sorry is a starting point — not a finish line. The other person needs to see changed behavior over time, not just hear words. An apology without action is just noise.
Name one thing addiction often does to relationships that makes trust harder to rebuild, even when the person is doing everything right in recovery.
What are: the other person is still scared it will happen again, they are watching for signs, they have been disappointed before, they don't trust their own judgment anymore, or they are grieving what was lost? Accept any honest version.
Name one person outside this room who you think trusts you more than they did a year ago. What changed?
Personal share — full points for naming the relationship and the specific thing that shifted. This is evidence of progress the group often does not give themselves credit for.
Name one specific, small action — something you could do every day or every week — that would build trust with someone important to you.
Full points for any honest, specific, realistic action: being on time, texting when you say you will, telling the truth about small things, showing up to something they care about, asking how they are and actually listening.
Name one thing — besides lying — that breaks trust between people.
What are: not following through on promises, disappearing when someone needed you, choosing using over a commitment, making someone cover for you, or putting them in danger? Accept any honest, specific answer.
Name the three things most people need to see before they start trusting someone again.
What are consistency (doing what you say, over and over), honesty (telling the truth even when it is uncomfortable), and time (showing up long enough that the pattern becomes believable)? Accept any version of these three.
Name a time your recovery made someone trust you a little more — even a small moment. What did you do, and how did you know it landed?
Personal share — full points for naming the specific action and the specific sign that it made a difference.
Name one person whose trust you want back — and are not sure you will ever get. How do you carry that?
Personal share — full points for naming the relationship honestly. Grief about trust that may not return is real. The group witnesses it.
True or false: The best way to rebuild trust is to make big promises about what you are going to do differently.
What is FALSE? Big promises often make things worse — the other person has heard promises before. What rebuilds trust is small actions, done consistently, without being asked. Show up quietly. Do it again tomorrow.
True or false: If someone forgives you, it means they trust you again.
What is FALSE? Forgiveness and trust are different things. Someone can forgive you — let go of the anger — and still not trust you again yet. Trust comes back through actions over time, not through a single conversation.
True or false: Rebuilding trust happens faster if you explain why you did the thing that broke it.
What is FALSE — or at least, not always? Explanations can help the other person understand. But they can also feel like excuses. What the person watching you mostly needs is to see you be different — not hear why you were the way you were.
Name a time your recovery made someone trust you a little more — even a small moment. What did you do, and how did you know it landed?
Personal share — full points for naming the specific action and the specific sign that it made a difference.
Name a time you had to trust someone else in recovery — a sponsor, a counsellor, someone in a group — when you didn't feel like you could trust anyone. What made you take that step?
Personal share — full points for naming who it was and what made the difference. Trust is not one-directional — it also means being willing to let someone in.
Name a time being honest about something difficult — something you could have hidden — actually helped rebuild a relationship instead of hurting it.
Personal share — full points for naming the honest thing and what happened afterward. Honesty is a trust-building act even when it is uncomfortable.
Name a time you broke someone's trust — not necessarily on purpose, but in a way that hurt them. You don't have to share the details — just name what you broke.
Personal share — full points for any honest, specific answer. Naming it is the first step.
Name a time someone rebuilt your trust — or started to. What did they actually do that made the difference?
Personal share — full points for naming a specific action, not just "they changed." What exactly did they do — and how long did it take before you started to believe it?
What is the different between trust building and people pleasing?
Trust-building is rooted in your own values — you do it because it is right, not because you are being watched. People-pleasing is driven by fear of judgment. The difference shows up when no one is looking.
Name a time you trusted yourself more in recovery than you did in active addiction. What did you do — and how did it feel to do it?
Personal share — full points for naming the action and the internal experience. Self-trust is part of recovery too — and it often gets overlooked.
True or false: Rebuilding trust means you have to be perfect — no slips, no bad days, no mistakes.
What is FALSE? Rebuilding trust does not require perfection. It requires honesty about imperfection. A bad day handled honestly — "I messed up, here is what happened, here is what I am doing about it" — can actually build more trust than a streak of silence
Name a time someone broke your trust. Not what they did — how it felt. What changed inside you after it happened?
Personal share — full points for naming the emotional shift, not just the event. This is what the person rebuilding trust is working against.
Name the hardest part of rebuilding trust — not for the person watching you, but for you. What makes it exhausting, discouraging, or unfair-feeling?
Personal share — full points for an honest answer. Rebuilding trust is genuinely hard. This is the space to name that without shame.
Name the relationship in your life that has changed the most because of your recovery — in either direction. What does it look like now compared to what it used to look like?
Personal share — full points for naming both what it used to look like and what it looks like now. Both directions count — repair and loss are both honest answers.
Name a time you almost gave up on rebuilding a relationship — and didn't. What kept you in it? And where is that relationship now?
Personal share — full points for naming what kept them there and what happened. This is where the group hears that hard things sometimes do get better.
Name the one thing you are committed to doing — consistently, not perfectly — for the relationship you most want to repair. Say it out loud to the group. This is your commitment.
Personal share — full points for a specific, honest commitment. Facilitator: write them on the board. Check back next session.