Have you been listening?
What is the first question in "check the facts"
What event triggered my emotion?
The 4 horsemen are behaviors that...
escalate conflict and damage a relationship. Over time, these harmful behaviors may become a normal part of communication between partners.
When are core beliefs usually formed?
Childhood or after a traumatic event in adulthood.
Shame can motivate us to..
hide away, to keep things secret, to punish ourselves
What are 3 features of healthy boundaries?
values own opinions, doesn't compromise values for others, shares personal info in an appropriate way, knows personal wants and needs and communicates effectively, accepting when others say no to them, comfortable saying no.
How do you combat contempt? And what is 1 example?
Show fondness and admiration
• Show affection.
• Recognize your partner’s strengths.
• Give compliments.
How do you correct defenesiveness? Also, give an example using a sentence.
Own up to your behavior without blaming others.
• Avoid taking feedback personally. • Use feedback as an opportunity to improve. • Show remorse and apologize.
“I shouldn't have raised my voice. I’m sorry."
What are 3 Mental Health problems that negative core beliefs can lead to?
depression
anxiety
substance abuse
difficulty handling stress
low self-esteem
Name 3 ideas of activities for "paying attention to positive events"
Have a good unrushed meal
visit a local attraction like a zoo or museum
have a picnic
watch a movie
go for a walk
give yourself a relaxing night in
visit with family or friends
put on headphones and do nothing but listen to music
try a new hobby
What are 3 features of porous boundaries?
Overshares personal info, difficulty saying no to requests of others, overinvolved with others' problems, dependent on opinions of others, accepting of abuse or disrespect, fears rejection if they do not comply with others, accepts disrespect.
Please have each team member name 1 value you hold (please do not repeat)
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What are the 4 antidotes?
Gentle start up, Take responsibility, Share fondness/admiration, Use self-soothing
What are 3 interpersonal issues negative core beliefs can lead to?
difficulty trusting others
feelings of inadequacy in relationships
excessive jealousy
overly confrontational or aggressive
putting others’ needs above one’s own needs
Joy or Happiness can motivate us to..
join in, take part and share
What are the 3 personal limits of boundaries?
Rigid, porous, healthy
Give an example of Opposite action for angry
instead of fighting/yelling/arguing --> talk quietly and behave politely
What does stonewalling look like?
Emotionally withdrawing, shutting down, or going silent during important discussions.
• Often a response to feeling overwhelmed. • Used to avoid difficult discussions or problems. • Underlying problems go unresolved
What are core beliefs?
a person’s most central ideas about themselves, others, and the world./ deeply held beliefs that influence how we interpret our experiences
What does PLEASE stand for?
PL- Treat Physical Illness
E- eat healthy
A- avoid mood altering drugs
S- Sleep well
E- Exercise
What are 3 features of rigid boundaries?
avoids intimacy and close relationships, unlikely to ask for help, has few close relationships, very protective of personal information, may seem detached-even with romantic partners, keeps others at a distance to avoid possibility of rejection
Give an example of how to use "Gentle Start Up"
Dealing with problems in a calm and gentle way. The focus is on the problem—not the person.
• Save the discussion for an appropriate time.
• Use warm body language and tone of voice.
• Use “I” statements.
“I feel frustrated when dirty dishes are left in the sink. Could you please do the dishes tonight?”
What are the 4 different horsemen?
Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling
What are the 4 categories of negative core beliefs?
Unlovable, Helpless, Worthless, and External Danger
What are the 4 emotional regulation skills we discussed?
Opposite action, PLEASE, Check the facts and paying attention to positive events.
What are the 6 types of personal boundaries?
emotional, physical, sexual, material, time, and verbal