Have you been listening?
What impacts your attachment style?
Early parenting, childhood events, and adult experiences all play a role in determining attachment style.
When are attachment styles created?
Attachment styles are established in childhood and strongly impact romantic relationships throughout life.
Scenario: A friend asks to borrow your car. This will be a big inconvenience for you.
Give an aggressive response
No way! Why would I let you borrow my car? You’re crazy to even ask.
When do inner critics normally develop?
Childhood
You can apply mindfulness to your experience with judgment and fear by....
actively directing your attention toward such thoughts as they arise, noticing they are thoughts created by your mind – not necessarily “facts.”
What tells you someone has an Avoidant attachment style?
overly rigid, guarded, and distant
uncomfortable with emotions and conflict
difficulty expressing needs and wants
What type of communication does the person prioritize others?
Passive
Name 4 types of Inner Critics
Task Master, Inner Controller, Under-miner, Guilt-Tripper, Destroyer, Perfectionist, Molder
Name 4 symptoms of stress
◊ Irritability or moodiness
◊ Interrupted sleep
◊ Worrying or feeling of anxiety
◊ Back and neck pain
◊ Frequent headaches, minor to migraine
◊ Upset stomach
◊ Increased blood pressure
◊ Changes in appetite
◊ Rashes or skin breakouts
◊ Chest pains
◊ Making existing physical problems worse
◊ More susceptible to cold/flu and slower recovery
When applying validation, the example of how to turn “I’m such a failure,” into a validating statement looked like....
“Progress and change take time and practice. I choose to be patient and direct compassion toward myself right now.”
What tells you someone has Anxious-Avoidant attachment?
tendency toward emotional extremes
difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries
prone to high-conflict relationships
Alternates between anxious and avoidant attachment. Simultaneously desires and distrusts intimacy with their partner, resulting in contradictory, inconsistent behavior.
Scenario: Your boss asked you to stay late, while everyone else leaves. You always stay late, and tonight you have plans.
Please give an assertive response
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Give an example of a statement an inner perfectionist or under-miner would say.
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Name 4 sources of stress
Relationships with others
◊ Work-related issues
◊ Study demands
◊ Coping with illness
◊ Life changes, such as marriage,
retirement, divorce
◊ Day-to-day activities and tasks
◊ Positive events, such as
organising holidays or parties
◊ Juggling many roles or tasks at
the same time
What are 4 traits of assertive communication?
· Listens without interruption
· Clearly states needs and wants
· Willing to compromise
· Stands up for own rights
· Confident tone / body language
· Good eye contact
What tells you someone has a Secure attachment style?
committed to relationship, but independent
attentive, affectionate, and accepting
able to handle and resolve conflict
Name 3 traits of aggressive communication
easily frustrated, speaks loud or overbearingly, unwilling to compromise, use of criticism/humiliation and domination, frequently interrupts or does not listen, and disrespectful towards others.
Who are some influences on your inner critic?
Parents/Care-giver, Siblings, Peers, Influential Adults
What are the 5 steps to releasing judgements?
1. Mindfulness
2.Reframe the Judgment in Terms of Consequences
3. Reframe the Judgment in Terms of Goals or Gratitude for Others
4. Actively Look for Exceptions & What is Going Unnoticed
5. Apply Validation
Name 5 traits of the inner critic
critical, cautious
very sure it knows the "truth"
focus on problem
sounds anxious/pessimistic
unfriendly/rude
asks yes/no questions
repetitive
Thinks in black and white
emotional and judgmental
focuses on wrongs in past, limiting beliefs of future.
What are the 4 attachment styles
Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, Anxious-Avoidant(Disorganized)
What are the 3 types of communication?
Passive, Aggressive, Assertive
What is the difference between and inner critic and an inner coach?
Critic- negative voice that is responsible for negative thoughts and feel mad, sad or defeated.
Coach- positive voice that is encouraging and makes you feel calm and confident
What were the 8 Stress management techniques
Identify your stressors
regular exercise
eat and sleep well
take time out
problem solving techniques
learn calming techniques
assertiveness training and communication skills
consider negative thinking