Random
What do red cows eat?
white and black dotted meat
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday.
Monday to Friday are weak days.
yes, I know I got hair all over the couch...
It's called FURniture, isn't it?
Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife?
He needed his space.
What does santa eat on christmas night?
Taco bell and apple pie
I'm so good at sleeping.
I can do it with my eyes closed.
I'm competing for that stair climbing competition.
Guess I'd better step up my game.
What did one couch say to the other couch on the other side of the room?
You're sofa away!
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents.
Why do you think your brother was at walmart for so long?
Cause he was trying to find chicken nuggets from mcdonald's.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
I know a lot of jokes about bad pole-vaulters...
but none of them seem to go over very well.
What do you do if you see a fork in the road?
You pick it up.
Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?
Cause the cow's got the udder!
What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
Reberto
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger...
Then it hit me.
I think there are about 1-2 million baseball fields in the world...
But that's just a ballpark number.
What do you cook on?
Something that cooks.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!