Nutella
Can't
Be
Murdered
Viciously
100
WARNING: This Jeopardy contains what we call circumstances.
Okay! Sounds good ter me!
100
I'll never tell you if you DON'T BE QUIET!!!!
My mouth is sealed, 'cept for one small hole to talk through...
100
You put on the very same smug expression he's wearing and say, "No."
Uh-oh.
100
You say, "Yes." He leans forward, and...
OMNI!
100
You stare at him as if he had just sprouted two heads. "Pray repeat thy plea, sir?" Oops. Reading Jukka the Sling and her tribe's dialogue too many times must've gotten to you! He says, "Huh?" You say, "I said, what did you just ask me???" He says, "Can I kiss you?" You feel like a confuzzled carrot. This guy must be nuts. You have two choices: Say Yes (go to Murdered 100), or Say No (go to Viciously 200).
Okay.
200
So hmmm...where are you? Yes. You are standing on the stairwell going to the third floor.
Oh great. Not another stairwell story...!
200
He says, "Want your first kiss?" He looks all smug as if he knows what you are going to do...as if you're going to say yes like all the other girls he's chased after.
You now have three choices: 1) Say yes, Murdered 100, 2) Say no, Be 100, 3) Look at him like he'd just sprouted two extra heads (even though he kinda needed them), Viciously 100, 4) Ask him why, Can't 300, or 5) Walk away, Murdered 300. [GOOD LUCK!!!]
200
He has this strange expression on his face as if you had just slapped his cheek. "You--you--" he stammers. This is just too funny. You desperately want to laugh, but that would not work at all. So you grin, as wide as you can. "That's right!" you bubble cheerfully. "I don't want my first kiss! I would rather save it for someone I actually liked!" You're ready to explode, this is so comical!
So am I!
200
You feel something lift you off your feet and drop you over the railing, down, down below to the first floor (if you were wondering, it was you Conscience). You wake up in the hospital with a concussion. Your mom tells you that a boy had just been put in Juvenile Detention for attempting manslaughter (you feel indignant--you're a girl, not a man!). She laughs and says, "He said that you two were about to kiss when you must've lost your balance! What a liar! I know you'd never kiss a boy!"
Hahaha! (Start again)
200
Somehow you feel a slight bit dazed, but not too much so to know you can't say yes. "No, thank you!" You reply.
My advice to you/her: don't be so hesitant!
300
I don't care. But you're standing there...
AH!!! Gerronwiv it, will ya!
300
"What for?" you ask innocently.
Oh dear.
300
He doesn't seem to be able to get it into his thick head that you don't want to kiss him. "But you don't want your first kiss to be with the cutest guy in the world?" he cries. "Tut-tut, sir! Didn't your mother ever teach you not to make too many assumptions, especially with girls?" you scold, enjoying every minute. "How would you even know this'd be my first? Of course it would be, but you'd never know that, right?" He seems kind of bewildered.
Heehee.
300
You look down your nose at him for a moment. Then holding your head high, you walk loftily up the rest of the steps to the third floor.
Somehow I get the feeling it isn't over yet.
300
"Are you...ah...sure?" He asks. He looks ready to beg now. That simply can't happen.
Of course it can't!
400
All right, all right! So the "cutest," wealthiest, most popular, most obnoxious guy IN the world walks up to you.
What is with this? Can't you think of a more original beginning to your story than that?
400
He bows his head and proclaims gallantly, "Because you are the most lovely thing I have ever seen in my life! Your knowledge would reach to the ends of the earth, and your beauty would surpass the very gorgeousness of a rose! When I first saw you I thought, 'She is the one! I must have her!' I'll die if you do not kiss me!"
Oh my absolute nuts.
400
You sigh, and say: "If all you can do is stand there and stare at me as if I just turned into a befuddled bear, then I think...I'll...just...walk...away... You edge cautiously away from the obnoxious boy, but he doesn't make a move. He's just standing there, dumbfounded, still as a statue.
Oh dear. (Go to Be 500)
400
The boy begins to walk after you. Oh dear, you think. What to do? "Wait!" He calls after you. "Wait up! You didn't answer me!" Great! Now everyone in the school will know. Oh well. Go with the flow, right? So...suddenly you turn and dash back to the stairs and run down them as fast as you can. The boy is hard on your heels. Now if only you can get to the gym! "Will you?" he cries.
Oh my my my. Omni.
400
"I am quite sure. I said no, and I mean no. Please begone from my presence." You stand up straight and dignified, saying it as if you were dismissing him from the court of a castle. He looks positively stupefied. You feel your confidence surging back through you...
Go to Be 400.
500
No, I can't. I'm hoping it'll get better though. So shut thy trap an' listen! Right! So he walks up to you and says...
Ah! Ah! What does he say!
500
You are disgusted. You glance at him with an expression of utter contempt, and say, "Go and die then. I do not care for one who calls me a thing." He looks devastated, but then he looks up and sees a total girly-girl walk by. He stands for a moment and thinks, then runs down the stairs after her as if you didn't even exist! "Boys," you mutter, shaking your head, and walk off to your Computer Ed. class.
Goodness! The nerve of him! (Go to Viciously 500.)
500
You get a little scared, and decide it is about time you got to your Computer Ed. class. Off you trot down the hall, hoping nobody noticed the peculiar incident that happened. (Go to Viciously 500.)
Ok.
500
"N. O.!" You yell, and put on you I-am-really-frantic look on your face, in case anyone sees. You make it down the stairs, through the hallway, and into the gym. You run headlong into the girls' locker room totally winded. He can't get you there! You hear the boy pounding on the door, and then some stern adult voices. You sigh with relief. It's a little muffled, but you can make out the words, "You--classes--SUSPENSION!" You giggle, too tired to laugh. You are safe.
Phew! (Go to Viciously 500)
500
When you get home from school, you burst out into booming peals of laughter. Your family nearly goes deaf, and think you're going mad, until you stop abruptly as if nothing had happened and begin doing your homework. You grin. What a day!
Yes indeed. What a day!!! (Start again)
M
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