What People May See
Someone is yelling or raising their voice.
What is anger on the outside?
Someone rolls their eyes.
What is a behavior people may see as disrespect?
Take a breath before reacting.
What is one way to pause before judging?
Anger.
What feeling may show up as yelling?
Someone is quiet in group.
What may people see as not caring or being disengaged?
A person may look mad but actually feel hurt.
What is an example of outside vs. underneath?
Patience.
What might someone need when they are overwhelmed?
A way to understand someone without excusing unsafe behavior.
What is empathy with accountability?
Someone is refusing to talk.
What is shutting down?
Someone walks away during a conversation.
What is a behavior people may see as rude or avoidant?
Ask yourself, “What else could be going on?”
What is a curious question we can ask ourselves?
Sadness.
What feeling may show up as shutting down?
Someone makes jokes during serious topics.
What may people see as not taking things seriously?
A person may seem lazy but feel depressed or overwhelmed.
What may be underneath low motivation?
Reassurance.
What might someone need when they feel insecure?
Someone is breaking rules or being defiant.
What is acting out?
Someone refuses to participate.
What is a behavior people may see as not caring?
Listen before assuming.
What helps us understand someone better?
Anxiety.
What feeling may show up as controlling behavior?
Someone gets angry when given feedback.
What may people see as being defensive?
A person may act tough but feel insecure.
What may be underneath acting like nothing bothers you?
A safe person to listen.
What might someone need when they feel alone?
Someone is laughing during something serious.
What is using humor to cover discomfort?
Someone argues with staff, parents, or peers.
What is a behavior people may see as defiant?
Look for feelings underneath the behavior.
What helps us see beyond the outside action?
Shame.
What feeling may show up as defensiveness?
Someone avoids asking for help.
What may people see as being stubborn or independent?
A person may be controlling because they feel anxious or unsafe.
What may be underneath needing control?
Healthy coping skills.
What might someone need when emotions feel too big?
Someone is pushing others away.
What is avoiding connection?
Someone acts like they do not need anyone.
What is a behavior people may see as cold or uncaring?
Remember that behavior can be communication.
What helps us respond with empathy instead of judgment?
Fear of rejection.
What feeling may show up as pushing people away?
Someone keeps testing limits.
What may people see as attention-seeking or defiant?
A person may reject help because they are afraid to trust.
What may be underneath refusing support?
Trust and consistency.
What might someone need when they have been hurt before?
They may be afraid of rejection or being disappointed.
What may be underneath acting like they do not need anyone?
Someone laughs or smiles while talking about something painful.
What is a behavior people may see as not taking things seriously?
Hold both compassion and accountability.
What helps us understand someone while still having healthy boundaries?
Grief.
What feeling may show up as irritability, isolation, or acting like someone does not care?
Someone says, “I’m fine,” even when they are clearly upset.
What may people see as being closed off, dishonest, or unwilling to talk?
Someone gets upset when they are corrected or redirected.
What may people see as being disrespectful, argumentative, or defensive?
Space, support, and a calm conversation later.
What might someone need when they shut down or become defensive?