What's Underneath?
Jordan says " This is stupid! I'm not doing it!"
What might be happening underneath?
A. Jordan is a bad kid
B. Jordan might be frustrated or overwhelmed
C. Jordan doesn't care about anyone
D. Jordan wants to ruin everyone's day
B. Jordan might be frustrated or overwhelmed
**DAILY DOUBLE** What can Jordan do to about it?
A student says something mean to another student. Who might be affected by what they said?
The student who heard it
The student who said it
Other students nearby
The teacher/adult
Jack is really frustrated and feels like he might say something disrespectful. What is 1 thing Jack could do instead?
Take a break
Take some space
Take a breath
Ask for help
Ask to talk later
Walk away safely
“LEAVE ME ALONE!”
Could mean...
"I need space"
Chris was angry and said something hurtful to a classmate. Chris is calm now after a few moments...
What could Chris do now?
A. Pretend nothing happened
B. Say “You're too sensitive.”
C. Repair the situation
D. Decide they're a terrible person
C. Repair the situation
Mariah says "Your mom!" and laughs when the teacher asks to share about her feelings
What might Mariah respond the way she did?
Avoiding something uncomfortable, feeling embarrassed, not knowing what to say, trying to make the situation feel less serious...
A student keeps interrupting while another student is talking. How might the other student feel? Name 2 possibilities.
Annoyed
Frustrated
Ignored
Embarrassed
Disrespected
Like nobody cares what they have to say
A student feels ignored because an adult is helping another student. They want help too. What are 2 respectful things they could do?
Wait
Raise their hand
Say “Can I talk to you when you're done?”
Ask for a specific time to talk
Write down what they want to say
Find another appropriate activity while waiting
“THIS IS STUPID!”
Could mean...
“I don't understand this”
“This is harder than I expected”
“I don't want to do this”
“Can you help me?”
A student says something mean to a peer when they are angry. Later they realize the peer was hurt. What is 1 way they could repair the situation?
Apologize
Say what they are sorry for
Ask if the person is okay
Give the person some space
Do something kind/helpful
Try again using respectful words
Billy says "I don't care!" after a teacher reminds them to use kind language.
What are 2 things that we know are happening for Billy?
We can't read minds! We can only make guesses based on what we see, that's why it is helpful to communicate in order to problem solve.
A student is angry and says “You're so annoying. I hate you!”
They didn't mean to hurt the other person's feelings, they were just really angry.
Does that mean there was no impact? Explain.
No. The student may not have intended to hurt someone, but the other person could still feel hurt, embarrassed, angry, or rejected.
Dante is embarrassed because he doesn't understand the assignment. Instead of asking for help, he starts joking around and distracting others.
What could Dante do instead? Name 2 choices.
Say “I don't understand.”
Ask for help
Ask someone to explain it another way
Ask for a break and come back
Tell the adult they're feeling stuck
Ask someone to help them get started
**DAILY DOUBLE** What would you feel most comfortable doing?
“I DON'T CARE!”
Could mean...
“I don't want to talk about this right now”
“I'm embarrassed”
“I don't know what to say”
“I'm still angry”
A student gets frustrated with an adult and says “Leave me alone!” in a disrespectful way. Later they have calmed down. What could they say to repair the situation WITHOUT pretending they weren't angry?
“I was really frustrated, but I shouldn't have talked to you that way.”
“I needed space. I could have asked for it differently.”
“I was upset. Next time I'll ask for a break.”
**DAILY DOUBLE** Why does it feel hard to repair sometimes?
Gabi is asked to start an assignment. She says “This is stupid. I’m not doing it” and starts making jokes with a peer.
What are 2 things that could be going on underneath the behavior?
She thinks the work is too hard
She is worried she will fail or be wrong
She feels embarrassed
She is bored
Being silly feels easier than admitting she needs help
She wants to feel in control
A student is feeling embarrassed, so they start making jokes and saying provocative things. Everyone starts laughing, but one student becomes uncomfortable and stops participating.
What are 2 different impacts happening at the same time?
The student making jokes gets attention/feels less embarrassed.
Some students think it's funny.
A student feels uncomfortable.
The group becomes distracted.
The uncomfortable student may feel less safe participating.
**DAILY DOUBLE** What would you tell the student who is feeling embarrassed to do?
Carly is angry because she was told “no.” She really wants the answer to change, but arguing isn't helping.
What could Carly do if she is NOT ready to accept the answer yet?
Ask respectfully “Can you explain why?”
Say “I'm frustrated. Can I have a minute?”
Take a break and come back
Ask when they can talk about it again
Say “I don't agree, but I'll take some space.”
Ask for another choice
“YOU'RE SO ANNOYING!”
Could mean...
“I need some space”
“Something you're doing is bothering me”
A student was overwhelmed and said something hurtful. They didn't actually mean what they said, but another student was still hurt. The student says, “But I didn't mean it!”
What could they do to repair the situation?
Acknowledge the other person's feelings
Apologize without making excuses
Explain what they were feeling if they're ready
Ask what would help
Change what they do next time
A student cusses at their teacher after being told “no" and tells their teacher they don't care about being respectful.
What are 3 different things that could be underneath the behavior?
They felt powerless or out of control
They felt disappointed
They felt like something was unfair
They were embarrassed about being told no
They were testing whether the adult would reject them
They didn't know how to communicate what they actually wanted
They were already overwhelmed
They actually care but don't feel safe showing it
They wanted to make the adult feel how they were feeling
They needed space but didn't know how to ask
A student is having a really hard day. They become frustrated and use disrespectful language toward an adult. The adult understands that the student is overwhelmed, but the language still affects the classroom.
The student was struggling AND their words still had an impact.
The student didn't know how to communicate AND others were affected.
The behavior makes sense AND it needs to change.
The student didn't intend to hurt anyone AND someone may have been hurt.
The student deserves understanding AND other people deserve respect.
Val is overwhelmed and uses disrespectful language. Later, they realize their behavior affected someone else. They don't feel ready to explain everything that was going on.
What are 3 things they could do next?
1. Communicate a need: “I need some space.”
2. Repair: “I'm sorry for how I spoke to you.”
3. Try a replacement: Ask for a break / use a safer way to communicate next time.
"SHUT UP STALKER/KIDNAPPER/GRANDMA/SKINWALKER!"
Could mean...
"I need space from you"
"You are talking too much"
"Can you give me a second?"
"I need a quiet break"
A student isn't ready to talk about what was really going on. They don't want to explain their feelings or tell the whole story. However, they know their behavior affected someone else.
How could they repair the situation WITHOUT having to explain everything? Name 2 ways.
“I'm sorry for what I said”
“I wasn't handling my feelings well”
“I need some space, but I know I shouldn't have said that”
Write an apology instead of talking
Do something helpful/kind
Ask an adult to help them repair
Come back and talk when they're ready