VERBAL
Your friend tells you that they are they only one who really cares about you, and that no other students like you.
Red Flag!
WHY: It sounds like... they might be trying to isolate you? Control you? This might make you feel totally dependent on this person. This friend is taking away your power, and trying to control you, and that's a RED flag.
You had a bad day and you ask your friend for a hug. They hug you.
Green Flag!
WHY: You asked for their CONSENT, and they said yes!
Your friend checks up on you everyday by calling and texting after school, at least 3 times.
Yellow Flag!
WHY: Well. It depends on how you feel about them doing this. Is it too much? Or is it okay? Is it feeling weird? Or does it feel kinda nice? It's okay to slow down and think about how you feel about this.
You clearly look upset, and your friend asks you if you want to talk about.
Green Flag :)
WHY: When we listen... really, really listen to someone, we make them feel like they belong, and like someone cares about them!
Your friend frequently comes up to you and says things like "you are so stupid", "that's a really ugly t-shirt", "why would you eat that, that's gross". They then follow this up with, "relax, it was a joke. Can't you take a joke?"
Red Flag!
WHY-
Red Flag: This is an example of violence.
Violence is more than being physically harmful to someone. Violence is when someone tries to gain power and control over someone, using tactics like fear, intimidation & gaslighting (making you doubt your feelings about something). They do this repeatedly– it becomes a pattern of harm, and most importantly, it is intentional.
Bonus Points:
1. Can you think of other examples of violence in the classroom?
2. What do you think are the impacts of violence?
You had a bad day and ask for space to be alone. Your friend insists on giving you a hug. Even when you say, “no thanks,” they hug you anyway.
Red Flag!
WHY: You did NOT give them consent to hug you. Consent is, to ask for permission. We ALL need permission before we touch people, hug people, play with them, or share things with them.
Your friend demands to reads all your text messages/what you wrote down in your diary. They say that 'if you are truly their friend, you would show them what you wrote.'
Red Flag!
WHY: That's an invasion of privacy. But also.. it sounds like they might be trying to control you/pressure you/force you to do something you don't want to. Not healthy!
Bonus Points: Can you define an unhealthy relationship?
Your friend encourages you to make other friends and spend time with new classmates
Green Flag!
WHY: Being possessive about our friends comes from a place of fear. "What if they like someone else more?" "What if they leave me behind?" These fears are normal. But if you hold on to someone too tightly, it might hurt your friendship even more. Just, be yourself, and be confident: that people love and care about for who you are.
You tell your friend that you have a crush on someone and ask them to keep it secret. They tell someone else your secret– but they did ask that third person to keep it a secret too.
Red Flag!
A relationship is between any two people that connect with each other. The foundation of a healthy relationship: trust and consistency.
Bonus Points: Can you define trust + consistency?
Bonus BONUS Points: What if you told your friend that outside of school, someone was being physically violent with you, but you didn't want anyone to know because you were worried about what might happen? Your friend told an adult this, when you told them this.
Your classmate called you fat in the morning. You are so angry, that later on, you walk up to them and push them.
Red Flag.
WHY: Your anger is real, and it is valid. But even in the worst of moments, there are choices that you can make, other than hurting someone else.
Brainstorm: What are some of the other options available to you?
Your friend keeps sending you Tiktok's that make you uncomfortable
Red Flag!
WHY- because this friend crossed a boundary.
About the Internet:
Well, your friend probably shouldn't watch this either. There's a reason for this by the way, it's not just a random adult rule! As young people, our bodies and brains are still growing. Too much of scary or shocking content can change the way our brain and body grow! It might increase our feelings of fear, self-doubt, anxiety, anger, and impulsivity. It's normal to come across things on the internet, but just be careful about what you watch, because it might impact you in bigger ways than you realized.
During lunch, your friend comes up to you every single time to see what you have, and begs you to share with them.
Red / Yellow / Green Flag
WHY
Red- If you don't like this, and you've made it clear to them before, but they keep begging... That sounds like they're not really respecting your boundary, right?
Yellow- Are you feeling guilty/a little pressured? You may need some time to think about how this is making you feel. BUT– If you don't like this, you need to communicate with your friend. They aren't mind readers!
Green- If you're okay with this, amazing! No problem here.