CATCH THE PATTERN
A student says:
“I'm not upset.”
But they are tired, irritated, avoiding people, and using their phone more than usual.
What is the biggest clue that something may be wrong?
ANSWER: Their behavior and body are giving signals, even though their words say they're fine.
Someone helps their friend because they genuinely want to.
People-pleasing or caring?
ANSWER: CARING
Someone is extremely upset, takes a 15-minute break, calms down, and returns to the problem.
Healthy distraction or avoidance?
ANSWER: HEALTHY DISTRACTION
A student is overwhelmed and can't start homework.
What might they need?
A. More pressure
B. A smaller first step
C. Someone calling them lazy
D. More homework
ANSWER: B
“I'm a little more tired than usual.”
ANSWER: EARLY
Which happens FIRST?
A. Feeling completely overwhelmed
B. Ignoring the warning signs
C. A small signal that something is wrong
D. Shutting down
ANSWER: C
Someone helps their friend because they're afraid the friend will get angry if they say no.
People-pleasing or caring?
ANSWER: PEOPLE-PLEASING
Someone is nervous about homework and watches videos for 3 hours so they don't have to think about it.
Healthy distraction or avoidance?
ANSWER: AVOIDANCE
A student is irritated and says:
“Everyone needs to leave me alone.”
What could they actually need?
ANSWER: Space, a break, or time to calm down.
“I've been procrastinating more.”
EARLY or MIDDLE
A student notices they're getting irritated.
They think:
“It's not a big deal.”
They keep ignoring it.
Later, they're extremely angry.
What mistake happened between the early signal and the big reaction?
ANSWER: They ignored the early warning sign instead of stopping to figure out what they needed.
Someone says:
“I don't want to do this, but if I say no, they'll be disappointed.”
What feeling is probably influencing their decision?
ANSWER: Fear of disappointing or upsetting the other person.
Why can BOTH of these people feel better?
Person A: Takes a short break and returns to the problem.
Person B: Avoids the problem completely.
ANSWER: Both can get short-term relief. The difference is what happens afterward.
A student feels lonely but keeps avoiding everyone.
What is the difference between the feeling and the need?
ANSWER:
Feeling: Lonely.
Possible need: Connection/support.
“I'm avoiding people and having trouble concentrating.”
ANSWER: MIDDLE
Two students both say:
“I'm fine.”
Student A: Actually feels okay.
Student B: Is overwhelmed but doesn't know how to explain it.
Why can't we assume the two students mean the same thing?
ANSWER: “I'm fine” can mean different things. Sometimes someone really is fine; other times they don't know what they're feeling, don't want to talk, or aren't ready to explain it.
A student says:
“I said yes because I didn't want them to feel bad.”
Later, the student becomes exhausted and angry.
What happened?
ANSWER: They may have ignored their own needs and limits in order to manage someone else's feelings.
A student says:
“But avoiding it worked. I stopped feeling nervous.”
What is the best response?
ANSWER: It worked for quick relief, but the problem is still there. The brain may also learn that avoiding the problem is a way to escape uncomfortable feelings.
A student says:
“I'm angry, so I need to yell.”
Why isn't that necessarily the best answer?
ANSWER: The feeling is giving information, but the feeling doesn't automatically tell you the correct action. They need to figure out what would actually help.
“I can't handle my normal responsibilities anymore.”
ANSWER: LATE
A student says:
“I didn't notice I was overwhelmed until I completely shut down.”
What does this tell us about their warning signs?
ANSWER: They may have been experiencing smaller warning signs earlier, but they didn't notice or respond to them.
TRICK QUESTION
Someone says:
“I'm a good friend, so I should always help.”
What is missing from that thinking?
ANSWER: Being a good friend doesn't mean being responsible for everything another person feels or needs. You can care about someone while still having limits and taking care of yourself.
Complete the entire cycle:
Something feels uncomfortable → Avoid → Temporary Relief → Problem stays → ______
Stress grows
A student says:
“I'm exhausted, but I don't need anything.”
Why might this be a warning sign?
ANSWER: Their body is giving them information, but they're ignoring the signal instead of getting curious about what they might need.
Put these in the order they could happen:
A. Completely shut down
B. Little things become irritating
C. Start avoiding things
D. Feel extremely overwhelmed
E. Become more tired
E → B → C → D → A