Christmas Covits
Scenario 1
Dad watches a movie
This is the household appliance Kaleb and Everum bought before groceries
What is a 65 inch QLED HDR 120hz flat screen TV?
This book of the Bible contains a story about a young man that gets dared to go gather 100 foreskins, but the young man says "you know what, Ima get 200" and so he did
What is 1 Samuel?
This is the old man who honestly at this point has broken his hip more times than I can count and can't stop chasing women
Who is Bro. Steve?
If Mom was a Bible character, what would she be?
The camel at Jesus's birth
Scenario 2
Mom is doing her night stretches and lets out the stinkiest most wretched fart ever
Name the bathroom item that has broken twice in Kaleb and Everum's home. (One before moving in and one after, but they are the same item)
What is towel holder?
This book of the Bible describes cherubim angels in great detail. These angels are stated to be like a wheel intersecting a wheel all of which and their bodies are covered in eyeballs. Each angel has 4 faces taking the form of a cherub, a man, a lion, and a eagle.
What is Ezekiel?
What did Papa do at Sis. Paulette and Bro. Bogue wedding that made Kaleb laugh so hard he was shaking?
He couldn't see what ring was which so him and Bro. Bogue started squinted to see
If Kaleb was a Bible character, what would he be?
The donkey that talked
Scenario 3
Dad falling down the stairs
This is the movie Kaleb and Everum were watching in which Mom Jones came rushing in giving Everum a literal sign that said "Warning"
What is Parasite?
This book of the Bible contains a story about a man getting made fun of for his bald head so he sends 2 female bears to brutally kill all 42 of them
What is 2 Kings?
This is the man we call to fix our cars, sinks, marriages, toilets, financial debts, toe fungus, diarrhea, sandwiches, more cars, more sinks, and anything we could ever think of.
Who is Bro. Phelps?
If Josh was a Bible character, what would he be?
The Nephilim race of giants
Scenario 4
Grandma gets her food tray getting ready for bed
This is the person that scared Kaleb so hard he soiled his drawers and scared Josh so hard he stopped being autistic
Who is Wesley(Wes, Everum's brother)?
This book of the Bible references a non-deuterocanonical known as the book of Jashur. The book of Jasher holds the historical knowledge that the sun stood still for a day.
What is Joshua?
Why did Grandma have to run off the piano and never be seen for the rest of service?
She couldn't hold it anymore
If Dad was a Bible character, what would he be?
Bob the tomato
Scenario 5
Grandma prays at the altar and passes gas. Everybody passes out but she thinks they are slain in the spirit
This new breakthrough food item featuring a householder's name came about through discussion over a McDonald's dinner.
This item is able to cure any disease, bring unfathomable knowledge, and give the user incredible unlimited power.
What is Everum Sauce?
This book of the Bible describes of man of God that assassinated King Eglon. The king was so fat that when he was stabbed in the stomach, his fat encased the and absorbed the assassin's blade causing his intestines to flow out.
What is Judges?
What song was Grandma singing when Bro. Steve got wheeled away?
"I feel better, so much better"
If Papa was a Bible character, what would he be?
The pebble that killed Goliath