Christianese Translations
"We should get coffee sometime!”
What is "We will never get coffee"?
Jesus wasn’t afraid to roast the religious elite. He called the Pharisees this venomous phrase that basically means “You toxic hypocrites.”
What is “You brood of vipers”?
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Who is Joshua?
🎶 “The cattle are lowing, the Baby awakes…”
What is “…But little Lord Jesus, no crying He makes.” (Away in a Manger)
🎶 “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me.”
Who are The Beatles? (Song: “Let It Be”)
“I don’t feel led to do that.”
What is “I absolutely do not want to do that”?
Jesus once called Peter this name — not exactly encouraging — right after Peter tried to talk Him out of going to the cross.
What is “Satan”? (“Get behind me, Satan!” — Matthew 16:23)
“Am I my brother’s keeper?"
Who is Cain?
🎶 “O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant…”
What is “…O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem”?
🎶 “You lift me up so I can stand on mountains.”
Who is Josh Groban? (Song: "You Raise Me Up")
“We’re just planting seeds in their life right now.”
What is "I spent time with them but I didn't share the gospel"?
When the prophets of Baal couldn’t get their god to send fire, this Old Testament prophet mocked them by suggesting their god might be asleep or doing this...
What is using the bathroom?
The original person to say, "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away"
Who is Job?
🎶 “While shepherds kept their watching o’er silent flocks by night…”
“…Behold throughout the heavens, there shone a holy light.” (Go Tell It on the Mountain)
🎶 "Wake me up inside, call my name and save me from the dark"
Who is Evanescence? (Song: Wake Me Up)
“God told me you’re the one.”
What is “I’m about to Spiritually manipulate you into dating me in the name of Jesus”?
What was the SCATHING burn that the youths of Bethel used against Elisha that ultimately got them mauled by She-Bears?
What is "Go on up thou, baldhead"?
“...For such a time as this.”
Who is Mordecai? (Esther 4:14 — often credited to Esther, but it’s actually her cousin encouraging her.)
🎶“O little town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie…”
What is “…Above thy deep and dreamless sleep the silent stars go by.”
🎶 “Take me higher — to a place where blind men see.
Take me higher — to a place with golden streets.” (Band name only)
Who are Creed? (Song: Take Me Higher)
“We’re praying a hedge of protection/thorns around them.”
What is "They're making REALLY bad choices and I'm hoping God will make them stop so I don't have to talk to them about it"
King Saul once lost his temper and shouted this fiery insult at his own son Jonathan — basically the “ye olde” version of “you son of a…”
What is “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman!”
“Can anything good come out of Nazareth?”
Who is Nathanael?
🎶 “Long lay the world in sin and error pining…”
What is “…’Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.” (O Holy Night)
🎶 'As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I take a look at my life and realize there's nothin' left'
Who is Coolio? (Song: Gangsta's Paradise)