Drunk Bible Characters
An old guy heads into the hardware store to get a bunch of gopher wood. He has a lot of pets.
Who is Noah?
I spent 3 days and 3 nights in the stomach of a fish.
Who is Jonah
"Am I my brother’s keeper?"
Who is Cain
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
What is John 3:16
There’s this couple. They sell a house or something, then lie about how much they made. They drop dead. Like, just boom. One after the other. Apostle guy doesn’t even flinch.
Who is Ananias and Saffira
This prophet, who succeeded Elijah, was known for performing miracles such as making an axe head float and healing poisoned stew.
Who is Elisha
"Here I am!"
Who is Samuel
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
What is Joshua 1:9
Guy marries a woman knowing she’s not loyal. God told him to. She keeps running off, and he keeps taking her back. Whole thing’s a metaphor but also very messy.
Who is Hosea
This woman, a judge and prophetess, led Israel to victory over the Canaanites, and her song is recorded in the Book of Judges.
Who is Deborah
Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!
Who is John the Baptist
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
What is Philippians 4:13
So this guy won’t stop yelling about the city being doomed. People throw him in a hole, he’s sad, writes poetry, and watches everything burn. But he's like, “Told you so.”
Who is Jeremiah
I travelled with Paul and my cousin John Mark (who Wrote the book of Mark)
Who is Barnabus
Let me die with the Philistines!
Who is Samson
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path
What is Psalm 119:105
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So there's this lady who stabs a guy in the face with a tent peg. Like, just bam—right through the skull. She’s not even in the army, she’s just like, “I got this.” Everyone cheers.
Who is Jael
I come from a left handed tribe. I am famous for killing a king so fat, my dagger was swallowed up by his fat. (king Eglon)
Who is Ehud
"Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian."
Who is King Agrippa
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
What is John 15:13
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