Family Feuds
This high school gym teacher hated Michael, Jonathan, and Mark equally but in different ways.
Mr. Erb
The official, quoted % chance of seeing a polar bear in Barrow, Alaska?
50%
Name of the parody song made up by Poppy, Mr. Seyfert, and Mr. Asante at Bethany Beach.
Hey Hey We're the Drunkies
Stage name of the greatest trampoline acrobat of all time.
Stumbling Kate
This granddaughter's favorite Disney princess is Elsa, but she has never actually seen the movie Frozen.
Molly
This insufferable, stupid, fat kid inexplicably accused Uncle Mark of bullying him.
Jeff Ebert
The type of beverage Uncle Michael spilled two giant glasses of at a Pizza Hut in upstate New York.
Root Beer
Official CIA cover name of Poppy's best friend from childhood, Doug Pollock.
Jared McLintock
As a baby, this granddaughter was once described by actress Melissa McCarthy as "So cute."
Emma
Grandson famous for circumnavigating the globe while running from second to third base in whiffle ball.
Will
This random kid from Richmond’s West End interfered in the Davis family Thanksgiving football game not once, but twice.
Shep
The name of the Tony-nominated musical comedy enjoyed by the whole family in Jackson, WY.
Bob's Bog Boogie
This friend and co-worker of Poppy used to make himself at home and rifle through our refrigerator whenever he came to the house.
Mr. Kerrigan
Hotel chain Poppy had us stay in in Richmond that led to threats of divorce from Kara and Julie.
Ramada Inn
The name of Matthias's favorite movie.
The Grinch
This item of family room furniture is officially undefeated against Uncle Mark, sending him to the emergency room twice.
Coffee table
Moving violation listed on the ticket Poppy received for driving 80mph out West.
Inefficient Use of Resources
Mrs. Huber poured this liquid on Poppy's head after he made an obnoxious comment.
Beer
This grandson, who shares a name with an obscure Czech-American student, once pooped all over his father.
Loyal
This daughter-in-law rode an elephant and a camel at the zoo as a child.
Jaime
The name of the opposing team mooned by Uncle Jonathan's U15 soccer team.
Perk Valley
European city Michael and Jonathan set Mark's stuffed Welsh dragon on fire in.
Paris
This family friend's maddening teaching style led to a ritual burning of notebooks by Jonathan and his friends.
Mrs. Bernd
Maeve is nicknamed after this one of the Seven Dwarves
Sneezy
This grandson had his math teacher impose a maximum number of the day at 1 trillion
Henry