DEAR MAN
What does the "D" in DEAR MAN stand for?
Describe
True or false: We must agree with someone in order to validate them.
False
True or false: we have to approve of what is happening in our life in order to accept what is happening.
False
When I'm getting my work done during math class, I am probably in what state of mind?
reasonable
This skill helps you recognize when you cannot change something and do what you need to do to move forward.
Turning the mind
What does the "E" in DEAR MAN stand for?
express
Your friend just got denied parole and is very upset. Which is a better example of validation?
A: "I can see that you're really sad. I know how much you love your family and wanted to go home. That's a really difficult situation."
B: "Getting denied parole happens to a lot of people. You should try harder next time."
A: "I can see that you're really sad. I know how much you love your family and wanted to go home. That's a really difficult situation."
What is it called when we allow the world to be what it is and participate in it fully? (don't try to change things or fight back against things we can't change)
Willingness
What are the three states of mind?
reasonable mind, wise mind, and emotional mind
This skill would best help you ask for a raise at work.
DEAR MAN
What does the "R" in DEAR MAN stand for?
reinforce
What is one example of how we might invalidate someone?
not make eye contact, turn away, roll eyes, heavy sighing, not taking them seriously
What is it called when we refuse to tolerate or try to change a situation that we cannot change (the "terrible twos" "no... no... no...")?
Willfulness
When I decide to spend my whole paycheck on my hair and nails even though I need groceries, I am probably using what state of mind?
emotional mind
This skill helps you improve relationships and can help deescalate conflict and intense emotions by understanding where others are coming from.
Validation.
**DOUBLE POINTS**
You have a really bad headache in math class and feel like you need a couple minutes to put your head down. How might you use DEAR MAN in this situation to get what you want?
"I have a bad headache (describe) which is making it hard for me to concentrate right now (express). I know this work is important (reinforce) but I'm wondering if I can put my head down for a couple minutes (assert) and finish my work later during study skills (negotiate)."
What are 2 ways we can show we are actively listening through our body language?
Make eye contact, direct your body towards the person, nod occasionally, match facial expression to what the person is saying
One of my peers constantly does things that annoy me. This makes me angry, but I choose to accept that I can't change them and instead use my skills and remove myself from the situation when I can. Am I being willful ('willfulness') or willing ('willingness'), and how do you know?
Willing, because I'm accepting what I cannot control and choosing to do what is effective.
Name one benefit of using mindfulness
lessen pain and stress, increase well-being, improve attention, make better decisions, better understand our thoughts/emotions/behaviors
This skill helps you improve your attention to your surroundings and to your thoughts and emotions, helps you stay calm, and helps you make better decisions.
Mindfulness
What do BOTH "As" in DEAR MAN stand for?
assert and appear confident
What is one important part of validation?
paying attention, reflecting what you are hearing and observing, being nonjudgmental, showing you understand where the person is coming from
**DOUBLE POINTS**
I don't agree with why I was put on EBP, so I choose to destroy property to give staff a "real reason" to put me on EBP. Am I being willful ('willfulness') or willing ('willingness'), and how do you know?
Willful because I'm refusing to tolerate a situation that I have no control over in that moment and not being effective
When I decide to buy a new car I think about both what I like and will make me happy, and what I can afford. I probably made this decision in what state of mind... how do you know?
wise mind because I thought about both my emotions and the facts of the situation (cost)
Someone is upset about a fight they got in with a friend. Someone else responds by saying:
"You should just get over it and move on."
What is this response an example of?
Invalidation