things
What is always coming, but never arrives?
Tomorrow
If a plane crashes on the border between the United States and Canada, where do they bury the survivors?
Survivors are not buried.
If Mrs. John’s bungalow is decorated completely in pink, with the walls, carpet, and furniture all shades of pink, what color are the stairs?
There are no stairs, because bungalows do not have a second floor.
Some months have 31 days, others have 30 days, but how many have 28 days?
All the months have 28 days.
Why are movie stars considered cool?
Because they have so many fans.
What can be broken, but is never held?
A promise
If it takes eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men?
No time, because the wall is already built.
How did the boy kick his soccer ball ten feet, and then have it come back to him on its own?
He kicked it up
“The attorney is my brother,” testified the accountant. But the attorney testified he did not have a brother. Who is lying?
Neither one, because the accountant was his sister.
What is white and black, but red all over?
The newspaper is “read” all over.
What word would you use to describe a man who does not have all his fingers on one hand?
What word would you use to describe a man who does not have all his fingers on one hand?
If you have a bowl with six apples and you take away four, how many do you have?
The 4 you took away
How could a man go outside in the pouring rain without protection, and not have a hair on his head get wet?
He was bald.
What is it that goes up, but never comes down?
What is the biggest problem with snow boots?
Snow boots melt
What is it that lives if it is fed, and dies if you give it a drink?
fire
If you had only one match and entered a dark room containing an oil lamp, some kindling wood, and a newspaper, which would you light first?
The match
If an electric train is moving north at 100mph and a wind is blowing to the west at 10mph, which way does the smoke blow?
An electric train has no smoke.
What happened when the wheel was invented?
it caused a revolution.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they cannot remember the words.
What can one catch that is not thrown?
a cold
If you spell “sit in the tub” s-o-a-k, and you spell “a funny story” j-o-k-e, how do you spell “the white of an egg”?
a-l-b-u-m-e-n or e-g-g w-h-i-t-e
What breaks and never falls, and what falls and never breaks?
Day breaks and night falls
Who is bigger, Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, or their baby?
The baby, since he is a little Bigger.
What becomes wetter the more it dries?
A towel