FAMILY BIRTHDAYS
DECEMBER 17
DAD
"HEY, YOU LAUGHING AT ME, OR WITH ME?"
SIMEON
HOW MANY MONTHS HAVE 28 DAYS?
ALL OF THEM.
OKAY, THIS FAT GUY, LIKE, BECOMES A WRESTLER TO LIKE, FEED ORPHANS OR SOMETHING.
NACHO LIBRE
BEAR
CUB
JUNE 6
VAN
JUDE
WHAT HAS A HEAD AND A TAIL, BUT NO BODY?
A COIN.
OKAY, SO THIS HARRY FOOT LITTLE DUDE TAKES THIS RING TO THIS, LIKE VOLCANO, TO LIKE SAVE THE WORLD OR SOMETHING.
LORD OF THE RINGS.
GOAT
KID
APRIL 12
JAXON
"DAD, CAN I GET TWO FOR PARFISITATING?"
ANDI
WHICH WORD BECOMES SHORTER WHEN YOU ADD TWO LETTERS?
SHORT
OKAY, SO THEY LIKE, RUN THIS OGRE OUT OF HIS SWAMP, AND SO HE GOES TO SAVE A PRINCESS, TO GET HIS LAND BACK.
SHREK.
FOX
KIT
OCTOBER 21
KEVIN OR UNCLE BRI
"I LOVE YOU, DAD."
"I LOVE YOU MORE."
LONG PAUSE. "TRUE."
LAUREN
EVERYONE HAS ME, BUT NO ONE CAN LOSE ME. WHAT AM I?
A SHADOW.
SO, THIS DUDE WITH SOME KIND OF THUNDER SCAR OR SOMETHING, FINDS OUT HE'S LIKE A FAMOUS MAGIC DUDE.
HARRY POTTER
KANGAROO
JOEY
NOVEMBER 2
ZENA LEE
"DAD, I LOVE YOU."
"I LOVE YOU TOO."
LONG PAUSE, EYEBALLING DAD'S SPEGHETTI. "I LOVE FOOD TOO."
KEVIN
I CAN FILL A ROOM, BUT I TAKE UP NO SPACE. WHAT AM I?
LIGHT
THIS POINTY NOSED DUDE WHO SKIPPED LEG DAY, JUST KIND OF, I DON'T KNOW...LOVES BEING BAD.
DISPICABLE ME.
PLATYPUS
PLATYPUP