OPM Stuff
This is the most common method used today to find new musicians in a symphony orchestra; remember, “no peeking”!!
What is a blind audition?
Also French for paper clip, this giant tuning slide can often be found in the back row with their owners talking when they shouldn’t
What is a trombone?
The keeper of secrets, calm, order, and time. This person will also pay the musicians in respect...AND money
What is the Personnel Manager?
A former PM in Hawaii, St. Louis, and LA joins forces with a British PM of a completely different type
Who is Jeff Neville Chamberlain?
... For a sick day: "I have COVID"; Furnace Repair; "My cat/dog/other pet died"
What is furnace repair?
This valuable “secondary” skill can earn a musician a good or bad reputation, the percentage paid varies by orchestra so "picc" wisely
What is doubling?
This instrument is often hired for their “stratospheric” capabilities and may, or may not, come with an ego just as high
What is a lead/screech/high trumpet?
A valuable member of any orchestra, they are only as good as their cues
What is the conductor?
A beloved viola-playing PM with stints in Atlanta, San Francisco, and Utah teams up with a large medical devices company from New Jersey
Who is Eric Johnson and Johnson?
... For losing music: Tornado blew it away; dog ate it; I’m an unprofessional idiot
What is there is no excuse for losing your music!
Often the bane of Personnel Managers, this set of rules has taken a more casual approach by most orchestras in recent years
What is the dress code?
Playing maybe 2/3 of all services in a given year, we often wonder what they do with all their free time
What is the tuba? also acceptable, What is the harp?
This is a person who often hangs around with other musicians
What is a violist?
A former Minnesota PM who moves to a famous neighborhood in San Francisco known for its counterculture in the 1960s
Who is Julie Haight-Ashbury?
... For being tardy: I forgot my reeds at home; I overslept; I didn’t practice the first piece on rehearsal
What is "I didn't practice the first piece on rehearsal?"
This one-pager has all the requirements of a quality instrumentalist, 20-40 seconds at a time.
What is a rep list?
This recently coined classical instrument can be found riding Lt. Kije’s Troika or “Dancing Symphonically” with an orchestra
What is the saxophone?
This percussion instrument is notably, and mysteriously, missing when the Bermuda Philharmonic performs Brahms 4
What is the triangle?
A comedic writer behind Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm morphs into a longtime trumpeter and PM from Cleveland
Who is Larry David Zauder?
... For requesting leave: C’mon, it’s Kenny G!; that program will be too loud; I have Beyonce tickets that night
What is "C'mon, it's Kenny G!"
This occurs when a lower player in the orchestra hierarchy becomes “more valuable”, like the Jefferson's to the East side
What is move up? Also acceptable, step up
This musician might know, say, 440 or 442 Canadians, eh?
What is an oboist?
The clarinetist, oboist, and bassoonist could all update the computer file, but the flutist couldn’t, all because the file was this
What is "reed only"?
An NBA Head coach goes from 6th all time in wins to become the legendary PM of the NY Philharmonic
Who is George Carl Schiebler?
... For poor performance: I went to Beyonce’s concert last night; who cares? It’s Kenny G; You’re just now noticing that I’m bad?
What is any of the above?