Lesson 32,33 Good choice or God’s Choice
The foundation of a Godly marriage starts with the choosing of a partner or spouse. Choosing or decision about who to marry is one of the most important decisions you will make in life. It must be done carefully, soberly, prayerfully and with Godly counsel.
Is it okay for a believer to marry an unbeliever so long as the believer has exhibited good character?
Displaying good character might likely draw a believer to an unbelieving person. However, remember God's warning to the children of Israel in Deuteronomy 7:3, against marriage to other uncircumcised nations. A Christian should not be united in holy matrimony with an unbeliever under normal circumstances.
2 Corinthians 6:14-16.
A Christian Family is an institution where parents are bound together by Christian love and where children are happy and spiritually instructed.
What are the duties of the husband?
The Husband is:
1. The head of the family. Eph. 5:23.
2. He must love his wife in all circumstances.Eph. 5:25.
3. He must be faithful to her and comfort her in times of sorrow. 1 Sam. 1:8.
4. He should communicate and consult with wife on issues that affect the home.
5. The husband is the priest of the home and should lead the family to love, fear and worship God. Luke 14:26.
Christian couples are expected to live according to the dictates of Gods word. A man leaves his parents and cleave onto his wife. There is a thin line between the new family and the families from where both couples originate from.
What should Christian couples do to build a cordial relationship with their in-laws?
1. Avoid preconceptions. Do not have a biased perspective of your in-law. Be open in your dealings. 1 Peter 3:8.
2. Avoid acting like strangers. Let your in-laws see you as part on them. Prov. 18:24. John 15:15.
3. Avoid damaging rules. We must not make rules that destroy the relationship. Be wise in speech. Ps 34:13.
4. Treat in-laws as important people. We must exhibit maturity and patience. Phil 2:3.
5. Be humble and encourage mutual submission 1 Peter 5:5.
Communication is one of the marital gaps between spouses. It is one of the most fundamental components of a successful relationship. Couples should share secrets with each other as much as possible.
Is it appropriate for spouses to communicate and share all information at their disposal to each other?
In as much as sharing and communicating creates security, transparency and trust in marriages, it is important that we keep confidential information in accordance with the guidelines of our various professional calling. Sharing workplace matters with a spouse could be considered an infringement of privacy policies. If you work in a profession where client confidentiality is crucial (such as law, medicine, finance, or defense), disclosing client information to your spouse would likely breach ethical standards and is usually grounds for dismissal or prosecution.
Information about your professions vital information or information from a private discussion with a client or friend should not be shared with your spouse in as much as it has no bearing on your marriage.
"He who keeps his mouth, and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” (Proverbs 21:23)
Christians are warned not to be joined in holy matrimony to be one flesh with unbelievers under normal circumstances.
In what situations or circumstance can a believer be married to an unbeliever?
This a situation where both husband and wife were unbelievers when they got married and one of them later came to know Christ but the other remained an unbeliever. This was the kind of situation Paul was referring to in his comments in 1 Corinthians 7: 10.
A Christian family is one that radiates Christ, welcomes strangers and dispenses hospitality.
What are the roles of the wife?
1. The wife is a help meet and must support and submit to her husband. Eph. 5:22.
2. She should love and respect her husband. Titus 2:4.
3. She should exhibit good works, show modesty and sobriety, be meek and of quiet spirit. 2 Peter 3:4-5.
4. She should be trustworthy, hardworking, dutiful and responsible.
It should be noted that in-laws are people related to us by marriage and we should deal with them with godly wisdom. James 3:17.
Sometimes the behavior of in-laws prevents couples from building cordial relationship with them. How can this be prevented?
In-laws should:
1. Avoid external interference in the life of the couple. Allow them to build a godly home. Col 3.21.
2. Avoid imposing your views on the couple but support them with prayers and godly counsel. Eph. 6.4.
3. The couple should be allowed to make take their own decisions.
Paul, in addressing a marriage where both partners are Christians, says that they should not – indeed, cannot break up the marriage in a misguided search for higher spirituality. Divorce is not permitted in a Christian Marriage. If one were to depart from their spouse, they must either remain unmarried or be reconciled.
On what grounds can marriages be dissolved, and a person remarries without any attendant consequences?
Divorce in Marriage is not permitted under any grounds, except:
Infidelity
1. On account of sexual immorality as stated by Christ in Matthew 19: 3-9.
Abandonment
2. When a believing partner is deserted by an unbelieving spouse. 1 Corinthians 7:15.
Neglect/Physical or Emotional Abuse
3. A husband who reduced or didn't provide food, clothing, and marital rights to his wife was required to let her go free. This is equal to neglect and abuse. Exodus 21:10-11
On any other grounds, God will not recognize divorce, even if the state does. If God does not recognize the divorce, then the individual is not free to remarry – they can only be reconciled to their former spouse.
"Be ye not be unequally yoke with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?"
What is the reason for this warning? What is the consequence?
1. The unbelievers will turn the children of God aways from serving Him.
2. They will cause the believers to become idol worshipers.
3. Christians are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood and a Holy Nation. 1 Peter 2:9.
4. Christians are Christ ambassadors 2 Corinthians 5:20. We have been bought with a price.
5. We are Gods' temple. Gods' temple therefore has no agreement with idols.
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything". Ephesian 5:22-24.
What does submission mean? Does it mean that a wife obeys her husband in the same way a slave obeys his master?
Submission means accepting or yielding to the will or authority of another person- husband. The wife is not inferior to her husband. Both the wife and the husband are equal in personhood. Wives only need to submit to their husbands and not to any other man. This is because the husband has been given a higher authority and responsibility. The wife should submit to her husband's leadership as an act of obedience to Jesus Christ. By doing this, order is maintained in the home.
After the death of Mahlon and Chilion, Ruth did five things that were exemplary to Christian couples' relationship. Ruth 1: 1-18.
Discuss these five things.
The book of Ruth is the Narrative of a love story. Its purpose was to demonstrate the kind of love, and faithfulness that God desires for us. Ruth did five things namely:
1. She cleave unto her mother in-law. "Where you go, I will go".
2. She will dwell with Naomi. "Where you dwell, I will dwell." She showed faithfulness and commitment to Naomi.
3. She adopted Naomi's people as her own people. "Thy people will be my people."
4. She forsook the gods of Moab and accepted the God of Naomi. "Thy God will be my God".
People should be able to look at your life, just as Ruth looked at Naomi’s, and say “I want your God to be my God.”
5. She showed total loyalty to her mother in-law. "Where you die there, I will die." "Where you are buried there, I will be buried."
On what grounds that the scriptures prohibit divorce?
The scriptures prohibit divorce in Deuteronomy 22: 28-29.
A man was not allowed to rape a woman, then cover up his crime by marrying her, then turn around and divorce her under made-up pretenses. The scriptures didn't allow that level of treachery. He had to care for her properly for the rest of his life.
What two references can we readily point to about those who made wrong choices in the scriptures? What was the consequence of their wrong choices?
Solomon:
1. He loved strange women
2. He married outside God chosen Nation.
3. His wives turned his heart away from God
Consequence: The Lord stirred up an adversary against him, and the kingdom was taken from him and given to his adversary.
Samson:
1. He despised the counsel of God and that of his parents.
2. He dated a woman from an uncircumcised nation.
3. He revealed his secret to a strange woman.
Consequence: He was conquered, ridiculed and humiliated by the philistines. Judges 16:25.
In a Christian home, Children share in the responsibilities of building a happy home.
What are these responsibilities?
1. They should honor their parents, "that it may be well with thee". Exodus 20:12.
2. They must obey their parents. Luke 2:51
3. They must love their parents, be sober and show good examples in all things. Titus 2:6-7.
When we look at the life and character of Ruth and her faithfulness and unwavering loyalty to her mother in-law Naomi.
What was the outcome of her respect, friendliness, faithfulness, commitment and loyalty to her mother inlaw.
Ruth, a simple Moabite widow becomes an essential character in the powerful story of salvation.
Ruth got married to Boaz and give birth to a son named Obed, who became grandfather to King David. Jesus Christ our savior came through the lineage of David.
Can we say that marital gaps are increasing or decreasing in our society? Discuss.
What are some practical ways to avoid marital gaps?
1. Avoid living separately
2. Understand your spouse's love language.
3. Go on dates regularly
4. Celebrate each other's successes. Exchange gifts.
5. Commend each other.
6. Correct wrongdoing with love and respect.
What does God expect from believers who are dating or in courtship with an unbeliever?
1. God expects believers to break such unholy relationship and be separated.
2. A strange man or woman will be a snare and trap. Joshua 3:13.
3. You cannot convert a person. The Holy Spirit is the one that convert unto salvation.
What are the essential roles and responsibilities of Christian parents towards their children?
1. Parents shoul love and care fo their children. 1 Timothy 5:8.
2. Raise their children to know God in their early age. Mathew 19: 13-14.
3. Train and discipline their children in the way of the Lord Proverbs 22:6.
4. Teach the children to be laws abiding and respect the government.
5. Parents should not provoke their children to wrath. They should be gentle when instructing them. Ephesians 6:4.
What lessons can we learn in the entire love relationship between Ruth and her mother In-law Naomi?
1. Hope: There is hope even when we experience the most extreme difficulties. Naomi became a widow and also lost her two sons. Her entire life crumbles. "...Call me not Naomi, call me Mara: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, and the Lord hath brought me home again empty.” Ruth also lost her husband. Both returned to Judah as destitute, devastated, and broken. But God turned things around for them.
2. The past is not our final destination. Ruth came from an enemy nation Moab. Her country of origin already made her an outcast, and being a childless widow gave her plenty of reason to shrink back into a shell and simply live her life in obscurity. She chose to serve the God of Naomi, and she believed there was still life left for her to live.No matter your past, you still have a purpose. Your past is not your final destination when you make a choice in faith.
3. Doing the right thing comes with great sacrifice. It was a sacrifice for Ruth to refuse to return to her family. Her commitment to journey on with Naomi was a beautiful, selfless act, and a stunning example of the love of Christ – the same Christ who would be of her bloodline years later.
4.The two women shared great sorrow, but they also shared great affection for one another. We also see the freedom in their relationship. Naomi loved Ruth, but she was willing to let her go back to her family.
5. Good character matters. In the life of Ruth, we see her incredible character. She went above and beyond in the way she honored and respected her mother-in-law, and in doing so became known in the entire city as a “virtuous woman.”
6. God can use any one for His purpose. Anyone who looked at this foreign widow would have never guessed that God would choose her bloodline for the line of the promised redeemer – Jesus.
God is the author of marriages, Gen. 2:24. Marriage was designed to bring glory to God and for man's pleasure. However, marriages today are not conforming to the will of God.
Name some of the marital gaps that are experienced in marriages today.
1. Locational gaps
2. Emotional gaps: Poor boundaries, revenge, sexual gaps.
3. Financial gaps
4. Physical/ Physiological gaps.
5. Communication gaps
6. Excessive social media