Mother, may I?
Carry a knife less than 3" in length
Yes!
Cashing this $400,000.00 check that I got my my other brothers lovers mother who's a whiz on the printer and worked for the treasury. Martha Washington signed it.
Forgery/uttering
Adderall
Schedule 2
Evading payment of a 9-day stay at a top-tier resort, Anacostia Shoreline @ $400.00 a night.
Theft I
Fraud II-Misdemeanor
Attempt under $999.99
Smoke weed in the park next to my besties mom's house?
No!
Bring my new roommate three marijuana plants as a housewarming gift.
yes! gifting is accepted!
Valium
Schedule 4
Stealing cable and caught 3 years later.
Theft 1 of services.
Possession of PCP
Felony
Use Heroin? Its scientifically proven to cure a hangover.
Momma said knock you out! No! (Schedule 1)
That shirt is fire! Ill just put a clearance tag on it and buy it on break.
no! Shoplifting.
Steroids
Schedule 3
Putting out a QR code for Venmo for a sick family member and getting $6,000 in donations. The family member passed away years ago.
Fraud 1- felony
an additional charge for a crime but cannot be a stand-alone charge
Use pepper spray to keep thieves from taking my dog?
Hose, em!
That machine stole my money! At midnight, I'm coming back here with some tools to get my money back!
Don't do that! That could be a felony even if you don't get your money back!
Dimetapp
Schedule V
Purchasing high ticketed items with aging Miss Smith's credit card and causing her to lose her lease and inability to pay bills. She is $24,000 in debt.
Credit card fraud (over $1000)
smooth-bore, fired from the shoulder
shotgun
A retired corrections officer buying an old police car pulls over several vehicles asking for the drivers phone number and a $30 cash service fee.
False personation. Get that fake a$$ copper!
Buy new tires online from Goodyear and its buy three get one free for $100 off! They are scammin' me dry!
Buy it! traditional tire sales are common.
LSD
Stealing a new Macbook computer and offering it for sale for $70. cash only.
RSP (over $1000.00)
UUV
A driver in possession and operation of a motor vehicle that did not have permission to operate said vehicle.