Mama's Jokes
How do all the oceans say hello to each other?
They wave!
Why did the computer go to the dentist?
It had a blue tooth.
Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?
Because the teacher told him not to use tables!
What was the mummy’s favorite type of music?
Wrap music!
How many robed Catholic women does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nun.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two tired.
What did the triangle say to the circle?
"You’re pointless.”
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hissssstory!
Why do catholic nuns have more clothes than other nuns?
Because their clothes are mass produced.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Why is a baseball stadium always cool?
It is full of fans.
Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles?
Because there’s no point.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked.
Why can’t Catholics travel at light speed?
Because they have mass.
What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese!
What is the witch’s favorite school subject?
Spelling!
What do mathematicians do after a snowstorm?
Make snow angles!
What did George Washington say as he crossed the Delaware River standing?
“Next time I’m going to reserve a seat.”
How do Catholics make holy water?
They boil the hell out of it.
What is a move you use in Karate that was invented by PIGS
A Pork Chop
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
: Because then it would be a foot.
What tool is best suited for math?
Multi-pliers.
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry
What do you call a religious nomad?
Roman Catholic.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use a honey comb
Why did teacher quit giving tests at the zoo?
Because it was full of cheetahs
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven, eight, nine!
Why is history like a fruit cake?
It’s full of dates.
Why can’t muggers catch Catholics during Lent?
They fast.
What did the man say when he walked into a bar?
Ouch!
What animal needs to wear a wig?
A Bald Eagles.
What are ten things you can always count on?
Your fingers.
What was General Washington’s favorite tree?
The infantry.
How do you discretely find out if someone is Catholic?
Ask them how many O’s are in Gloria.
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. Every other day is a weekday
What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me something smells.
What monsters good at math?
Count Dracula.
Where was the declaration of independence signed on 4 JULU 1776?
At the bottom of the page.
How do Catholics spend money online?
Papal.
Another way to say POPE