Boundary Basics
Boundaries can be thought of as these types of signs in your life.
What are stop signs.
Your friend respects when you say you need alone time. Healthy or unhealthy?
Healthy
Your friend calls you at 10pm every night to vent about their day. Sometimes you end up staying awake and, on the phone, until midnight!
You want to set a boundary and say “You’re so rude when you call me late at night. Stop it."
Rephrase this to be more clear, firm and respectful.
“I need to get sleep at night. Please call me before 10:00 instead.”
Holiday Conversations: Aunt Sharon wants to discuss politics to you, and you know it's going to stress you out. What can you say to aunty Sharon?
“Let’s keep politics off the table today.”
“If someone gets upset when you set a boundary, it means you did it wrong.”
MYTHHH
You can't control other people's reactions. You only have the power to control how you deliver the boundary.
True or False: Boundaries look the same for everyone.
False! (They depend on values, culture, and personal needs).
Your friend talks openly about their own recovery struggles, but they also respect when you say certain details are triggering. Healthy or unhealthy?
Healthy! They respected your boundary when you shared that certain details are triggering.
Let's rephrase this: “You never respect my space. Back off.”
“I need some space to recharge right now. Can we talk later?”
When you feel guilty about eating, what boundary could you set with yourself?
"I do not need to earn the right to eat. My body deserves nourishment, and I won't allow guilt to control what I can and cannot do."
Boundaries hurt relationships.
MYTH
Boundaries represent limits, communicating to others what is and is not acceptable to us. Without healthy boundaries in our relationships, resentment may seep in without ever being directly communicated, corroding the relationship from within.
Boundaries are not about controlling others. What are they really about?
Boundaries are about protecting your own well-being and communicating your needs.
You “ghost” a friend instead of explaining that you’re hurt. Healthy, unhealthy, or needs a boundary?
Unhealthy, you may be avoiding addressing the issue.
Rephrase this: “You don’t care about me. You’re always on your phone when we hang out.”
“I feel disconnected when phones are out. Can we put them away while we’re together?”
Perhaps you have a family member who frequently discusses personal details of your life with other relatives without your permission, making you feel uncomfortable or exposed. How can you set a boundary with this person?
"I love that you're involved in my life, but I’d prefer to keep certain details private unless I choose to share them myself."
Not everyone will immediately respect your boundaries, especially if they’re used to you saying yes all the time. Some people may push back, test your limits, or make you feel guilty for prioritizing yourself.
FACT
Stay calm and restate your boundary without over-explaining or apologizing.
Fill in the blank: “Boundaries are not walls to keep people out, they are _____ to teach others how to treat us.”
Bridges!
Someone makes comments about your eating or body, and you laugh it off even though you feel uncomfortable. Healthy, unhealthy, or needs a boundary?
Needs a boundary! What is a boundary you can set with this person?
Rephrase this: “You don’t care about my feelings—you just walk all over me.”
“I feel hurt when my needs aren’t considered. I need to feel respected in this relationship.”
Imagine you have a relative who often gives unsolicited advice about your career choices, relationships, or personal decisions. While their intentions might be good, their advice often feels intrusive or overwhelming. How can you set a boundary in this situation?
"I appreciate your concern and that you want the best for me, but I'd prefer to discuss my choices only when I specifically ask for advice."
You must explain or justify your boundaries.
MYTH
NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE
You don’t owe anyone an elaborate excuse for protecting your space. If they don’t accept it, that’s their problem, not yours.
What is one reason why practicing boundary-setting in advance can help?
Practicing boundary setting reduces anxiety, builds confidence, and prepares you for reactions.
You agree to help a coworker even though you’re already overwhelmed, and you feel resentful. Healthy, unhealthy, or needs a boundary?
Needs a boundary! How can you set a boundary to avoid this situation in the future?
Rephrase this: “You ruin every meal with your comments. It’s exhausting.”
Ex: “Meal times are hard enough for me, and food comments make it harder. Can we keep meals a safe space without those comments?”
You are out to eat at your favorite restaurant. Someone comments about what you are eating and says "Wow, are you really going to eat all that?!" How can you respond to this and set a boundary?
"This is one of my favorite restaurants and I ordered something I enjoy. I would prefer that comments about the amount of food and what I am eating are not said."
“Boundaries can change over time.”
FACT
They shift as your needs and relationships shift