The Basics
True or False: Attachment styles are permanent and cannot change.
False
“I just don’t need people that much.”
Avoidant
An anxious person’s biggest relational fear is usually this.
Abandonment
True or False: Emotional dysregulation is strongly linked to insecure attachment.
True
Name one belief a securely attached person might hold in conflict.
“I am worthy.”
“This doesn’t mean I’m being abandoned.”
“We can work through this.”
And any other you can come up with!
Attachment styles are primarily formed during this developmental period.
Early childhood .. 0-5(ish) - research varies slightly
“If they don’t text back, something must be wrong.”
Anxious
When someone criticizes them, an avoidant person is most likely to do this.
Withdraw, Isolate
Name one interruption skill that could help during a relational trigger.
Any grounding or coping skill applies.
A secure person communicates their needs in this way.
Directly, clearly and bonus points for gently
This term describes someone who developed secure attachment after an insecure childhood.
Earned Secure Attachment
“I want closeness, but when it happens, I panic.”
Disorganized
When someone pulls away, an anxious person is most likely to do this.
Pursue, escalate contact
Attachment wounds often increase risk for this in adulthood.
Addiction
Secure attachment allows a person to tolerate this without spiraling.
Conflict, stress, uncertainty
What should we identify first when we experience attachment injury or relational trigger?
The core need
“I can be close to people and also feel okay alone.”
Secure
An avoidant person’s biggest relational fear is usually this.
Loss of independence
This term describes behaviors like excessive texting, shutting down, or threatening to leave when feeling insecure.
Protest behaviors
When triggered, a secure person first does this before reacting.
Regulate, pause, reflect
Who is known as the "Father of Attachment Science"
John Bolby
This style is most associated with both craving closeness and fearing it.
Disorganized
This attachment pairing is known for the classic push-pull dynamic.
Anxious and Avoidant or disorganized
When relational triggers activate shame, people in recovery may experience this.
Craving, Urge to use
Earned secure attachment is built through this process.
Awareness, corrective attachments, and healthy communication