concision
make this more concise:
"In the event that you finish early, contact this office."
If you finish early, contact this office.
Follow up this sentence with another, using 'old-to-new' structure:
"Yet, even in its spoken form, English is weird."
McWhorter
Yet, even in its spoken form, English is weird. It’s weird in ways that are easy to miss, especially since Anglophones in the United States and Britain are not exactly rabid to learn other languages
complete the summative modifier:
"Within the period of the last few years, automobile manufacturers have been trying to meet new and more stringent-type quality control requirements, a project that
Within the period of the last few years, automobile manufacturers have been trying to meet new and more stringent-type quality control requirements, a project that has made cars safer and more fuel-efficient.
make this sentence more "shapely"
We must develop, if we are to become competitive with other companies in our region, core knowledge of the best practices in effective industrial organizations.
If we are to compete with other companies in our region, we must develop core knowledge of the best practices in effective industrial organizations. Such organizations provide.....
Make this more concise:
"There is a need for more careful inspection of all buildings."
"We must inspect all buildings more carefully"
Follow up this sentence with another, using old-to-new structure:
"Why is our language so eccentric?"
McWhorter
Why is our language so eccentric? It's eccentric because so many words from so many other traditions were adopted...
complete the summative modifier:
"Most young people cannot begin to understand the insecurity that many older people experienced during the Great Depression, a problem that
Most young people cannot begin to understand the insecurity that many older people experienced during the Great Depression, a problem that robbed them of trust, wondering where their next meal would come from.
Make this sentence more 'shapely':
Since most undergraduate students change their fields of study at least once during their university careers, first-year students who are not certain about their program of studies should not load up their schedules to meet requirements for a particular program.
First-year students should not load up their schedules with requirements for a particular program if they are not certain about the program of studies they want to pursue, because most change their major fields of study at least once during their university careers.
change negatives to affirmatives:
"So long as taxpayers do not engage in widespread refusal to pay taxes, the government will have no difficulty in paying its debts."
As long as taxpayers pay their taxes, the government can pay its debts.
change the 2nd sentence to give old-to-new:
"To demonstrate it's competitive advantages, we highlight the components of Samsung’s profitability in our report. Revenue returns along several dimensions—product type, end-use, and distribution channels — will provide a basis for this analysis."
"To demonstrate it's competitive advantages, we highlight the components of Samsung’s profitability in our report. This analysis is based on revenue returns along several dimensions—product type, end-use, and distribution channels.
rewrite using a resumptive modifier instead of the final dependent clause
"Since mature writers often use resumptive modifiers to extend a line of thought, we need a word to name what I have not done in this sentence, which I could have ended at that comma but extended to show you a relative clause attached to a noun."
Since mature writers often use resumptive modifiers to extend a line of thought, we need a word to name what I am about to do in this sentence, a sentence that I could have ended at that comma but extended to show you how resumptive modifiers work.
make this sentence more "shapely"
Samsung’s understanding of the drivers of its profitability in the Asian market for small electronics helped it pursue opportunities in Africa.
Samsung was able to pursue opportunities in Africa because it understood what drove profitability in the Asian market for small electronics.
Make this more concise - you can change words:
Critics cannot avoid employing complex and abstract technical terms if they are to successfully analyze literary texts and discuss them in a meaningful way.
Critics must use abstract, technical terms to analyze and discuss literary texts.
What kind of sentence is this?
"We are born prepared to perceive the world around us, recognize objects, orient attention, avoid losses, fear spiders."
cumulative
complete the summative modifier:
Journalists have increasingly focused on the kind of news stories that at one time were considered indecent and lewd.. [a tactic]
Journalists have increasingly focused on news stories that at one time were considered indecent and lewd, a tactic that distracts us from our normal, boring lives.
make this sentence more "shapely"
A company that focuses on hiring the best personnel and then trains them not just for the work they are hired to do but for higher-level jobs, is likely to earn the loyalty of its employees.
A company is likely to earn the loyalty of its employees when it focuses on hiring the best personnel and then trains them not just for the work they are hired to do, but for higher-level jobs.
make this more concise: you can add a concrete subject
"Depending on the particular position that one takes on this question, the educational system has taken on a degree of importance that may be equal to or perhaps even exceed the family as a major source of transmission of social values."
Some believe that the education system has become a stronger transmitter of social values than the family.
follow this sentence with another, using old-to-new style:
"In linguistics circles it’s risky to call one language ‘easier’ than another one, for there is no single metric by which we can determine objective rankings."
McWhorter
In linguistics circles it’s risky to call one language ‘easier’ than another one, for there is no single metric by which we can determine objective rankings. Objective rankings may be assumed by lay people, but to linguistics they are...
add a SUMMATIVE modifier:
"During the Renaissance, increased affluence and more stability in political affairs, allowed streams of thought of different kinds to merge and flow together."
During the Renaissance, increased affluence and more stability in political affairs, allowed streams of thought of different kinds to merge and flow together, a circumstance which brought about Western democracy.
Concision-shape?
A student’s right to access to their own records, including medical records, academic reports, and confidential comments by advisers, will take precedence over an institution’s desire to keep records private, except when limitations of those rights under specified circumstances are agreed to by students during registration.
A student’s right to access their records generally takes precedence over an institution’s desire to keep those records private, unless the student agrees to limits on their rights during registration.