Interpersonal Effectiveness
What are the skills learned for building nurturing relationships.
GIVE
FAST
DEARMAN
What does dialetics teach us?
There is always more than one way to see a situation and more than one way to solve a problem.
All people have unique qualities and different points of view.
Change is the only constant.
Two things that seem like (or are) opposites can be true.
Honor the truth on both sides of a conflict.
This does not mean giving up your values or selling out. Avoid seeing the world in "black-and-white" or “all-or-nothing” ways.
Being mindful can....
1. Give you more choices and more control over your behavior. It helps you slow down and notice emotions, thoughts, and urges (i.e., increases self-awareness), and helps you choose a behavior more thoughtfully, rather than act impulsively and make situations worse.
2. Reduce your emotional suffering and increase your pleasure and sense of well-being.
3. Help you make important decisions (and balance overly emotional or overly logical decisions).
4. Help focus your attention (i.e., be in control of your mind rather than letting your mind be in control of you) and therefore make you more effective and productive.
5. Increase compassion for oneself and others.
6. Lessen your pain, tension, and stress, which can even improve your health.
Crisis Survival Skill (ACCEPTS)..
A= Do something.
C=Contribute
C=Comparisons
E=Emotions
P=Pushing Away
T=Thoughts
S=Sensations
What are the Goals of Emotional Regulation Skills?
Understand the emotions that you experience. Identify (observe and describe/name) emotions. Know what emotions do for you (are your emotions working for or against you in this moment?).
Reduce emotional vulnerability and stop unwanted emotions from starting in the first place. Increase positive emotions. Decrease vulnerability to Emotion Mind. Decrease the frequency of unwanted emotions.
Decrease emotional suffering; stop or reduce unwanted emotions once they start. Let go of painful emotions using mindfulness. Change emotions through opposite action.
Skill to assert yourself and effectively make a request to another person.
DEARMAN
What is walking the Middle Path?
involves both parties stepping out of their emotions to see another person's perspective. When you're aware of the emotions that you're experiencing at the moment, you're able to consciously step out to see another person's perspective.
Three States of Mind...
Reasonable
Wise
Emotional
Crisis Survival Skills: What are the Self-Soothe with Six Senses?
VISION
HEARING
SMELL
TASTE
TOUCH
MOVEMENT
What good are emotions?
Emotions give us information.
Emotions Communicate to, and Influence, Others.
Emotions Motivate and Prepare Us for Action.
What is the first step for DEARMAN, and explain how to use it.
D=Describe (What's the situation)
Examples of Thinking Mistakes....
ALL-OR-NOTHING, BLACK-AND-WHITE THINKING.
CATASTROPHIZING (FORTUNETELLING ERROR).
MIND READING.
OVERGENERALIZING.
MENTAL FILTER.
DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE.
EMOTIONAL REASONING.
"SHOULD" STATEMENTS.
LABELING.
PERSONALIZATION.
Mindfulness "What" Skills...
Observe
Describe
Participate
Crisis Survival Skills: IMPROVE the Moment.
Imagery- Imagine very relaxing scenes of a calming, safe place. Imagine things going well; imagine coping well. Imagine painful emotions draining out of you like water out of a pipe.
Meaning Find or create some purpose, meaning, or value in the pain. Make lemonade out of lemons.
Prayer Open your heart to a supreme being, greater wisdom, or your own Wise Mind. Ask for strength to bear the pain in this moment.
Relaxation Try to relax your muscles by tensing and relaxing each large muscle group, starting with the forehead and working down. Download a relaxation audio or video; stretch; take a bath or get a massage.
One thing in the Moment Focus your entire attention on what you are doing right now. Keep your mind in the present moment. Be aware of body movements or sensations while you’re walking, cleaning, eating.
Vacation Give yourself a brief vacation. Get outside, take a short walk, go get your favorite coffee drink or smoothie, read a magazine or newspaper, surf the web, and take a one-hour breather from the hard work that must be done. Unplug from all electronic devices.
Encouragement-Cheerlead yourself. Repeat over and over: “I can stand it,” “It won’t last forever,” “I will make it out of this,” I’m doing the best I can.”
How to increase positive emotions and reduce vulnerability to Emotional Mind?
Accumulating positive experiences.
Build mastery.
Cope ahead of time with emotional situations.
Treat PhysicaL illness.
Balance Eating.
Avoid mood-altering drugs Balance Sleep Get Exercise.
What is the second step in the DEARMAN method? Give an example.
E= Express (How does it make you feel).
Communicates to another person that his or her feelings, thoughts, and actions make sense and are understandable to you in a particular situation.
Validation
What are mindfulness "How" skills?
Dont judge..
Stay focus..
Do what works...
Crisis Survival Skills: what are the TIPP Skills for Managing Extreme Emotions?
Temperature: Tip the temperature of your face with cold water to calm down fast. Holding your breath, put your face in a bowl of cold water; keep water above 50° F. Or, hold a cold pack or ziplock bag with ice water on your eyes and cheeks, or splash cold water on your face. Hold for 30 seconds.
Intense Exercise: To calm down your body when it is revved up by emotion. Engage in intense aerobic exercise, if only for a short while (10–15 minutes). Expend your body’s stored-up physical energy by running, walking fast, jumping rope or jumping jacks, playing basketball, weight lifting, putting on music and dancing. Don’t overdo it!
Paced Breathing -Slow your pace of breathing way down (to about 5–7 in and out breaths per minute). Breathe deeply from the abdomen. Breathe out more slowly than you breathe in (e.g., 4 seconds in and 6 seconds out). Do this for 1–2 minutes to bring down your arousal.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation- Tense and relax each muscle group, head to toe, one muscle group at a time. Tense (5 seconds), then let go; relax each muscle all the way. Notice the tension; notice the difference when relaxed.
What is the WAVE skill?
Observe your feeling.
Step back and just notice it.
Get unstuck.
Experience it as a WAVE, coming and going.
Don’t try to GET RID of it or PUSH it away.
And don’t try to HOLD ON to it.
Give me a situation of using DEARMAN.
Varies..Describe the situation (I've noticed that you been playing loud music).
Express (I'm feeling really tired and frustrated because I can't sleep).
Assert (I need you to turn the music down after p.m. so I can sleep).
Reinforce (what do you want in return).
Mindful(staying focus on your goal).
Appear Confident
Negotiate
How can I validate myself?
1. Actively listen and pay attention to yourself: Be mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
2. Describe your feelings without passing judgment: “Wow, I’m really angry right now!” or “It makes sense that I’m a little nervous.”
3. Respond in a way that shows that you take yourself seriously: Accept that it is OK to have your emotion(s) (e.g., “It’s OK to feel sad sometimes”).
4. Acknowledge that the emotion may make sense in the situation. Show tolerance for yourself and your emotions (e.g., “It makes sense that I’m not able to focus very well with all of the stress I am under”).
5. Do not judge your own emotion (or yourself).
6. Use interpersonal effectiveness skills for self-respect to be fair to yourself, not apologize for feeling how you feel, stick up for yourself, and stay true to your values (FAST).
One example of emotional mind this week (give example).
Varies
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE is the skill of...
accepting the things you can’t change.
What are the steps for OPPOSITE Action?
1. Figure out the emotion you are feeling.
2. What is the action URGE that goes with the emotion?
3. Ask yourself: Does the emotion fit the facts in the situation? If yes, will acting on the emotion’s urge be effective?
4. Ask yourself: Do I want to change the emotion?
5. If yes, figure out the OPPOSITE ACTION.
6. Do the opposite action—ALL THE WAY!
7. Repeat acting in the opposite way until the emotion goes down enough for you to notice