Listening
This means paying attention instead of planning what you will say next.
What is active listening?
Complete the formula: “I feel ___ when ___ because ___, and I need/would like ___.”
What is an I-statement?
True or false: Validating someone means agreeing with them.
False. It just means we understand where they are coming from.
Trust usually grows through big promises or repeated small actions?
Repeated small actions.
True or false: Being honest means you never make mistakes.
False
Name one of the five commonly described love languages.
Words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.
Name one way you can show someone you are listening without speaking.
Eye contact, nodding, putting the phone down, facing them, etc.
Turn “You never listen to me!” into an I-statement.
“I feel frustrated when I don’t feel heard because what I’m saying matters to me.”
Finish this validation: “I can understand why you might feel ___ because ___.”
Answers may vary. "I can understand why you might feel sad because you weren't invited to the party."
Name one behavior that builds trust in a family.
Following through, honesty, consistency, respecting boundaries, etc.
Why might someone avoid telling the truth even when they know honesty is important?
Fear of punishment, disappointment, conflict, embarrassment, etc.
Someone who values quality time might feel especially cared about when someone does what?
Spends intentional time with them.
Your family member says, “Nobody listens to me around here.” Give a reflective listening response.
“It sounds like you feel ignored or unheard.”
Which works better: “You make me angry” or “I feel angry when plans change without me knowing”? Why?
The second because it describes the speaker’s experience instead of blaming.
Someone says, “I’m nervous you’re going to say no again.” Give a validating response without changing your answer.
“I can understand why you’re nervous because being told no can be disappointing.”
Name something that can make trust harder to rebuild after it has been damaged.
Continued lying, broken promises, defensiveness, inconsistency, etc.
Which usually builds more trust: admitting something difficult yourself or waiting until someone discovers it?
Admitting it yourself.
Why might two people care deeply about each other but still not always feel appreciated?
They may show and receive care in different ways.
Someone says, “I’m tired of everyone telling me what to do.” Reflect the feeling and message without giving advice.
“You sound frustrated and like you want more say in what happens.”
Create an I-statement for this situation: Someone agrees to do something and then does not follow through.
Answers vary. "I feel disappointed when things don't get done. What I need is for you to let me know if plans change or you weren't able to do something."
Why can validation sometimes help calm conflict even when the problem has not been solved yet?
It helps people feel heard, understood, and less defensive.
True or false: Saying “trust me” is usually enough to rebuild trust after it has been damaged. Explain.
False. Trust is rebuilt through consistent behavior over time.
Finish this sentence: “It can be easier for me to be honest when I know the other person will ___.”
Listen, stay calm, let me explain, avoid immediately attacking, etc.
Give one example of a small everyday connection behavior that takes less than five minutes.
Hug, check-in, compliment, short conversation, help with a task, send a funny meme, etc.
What is one thing you should avoid doing while using reflective listening?
Interrupting, defending, correcting, giving advice, or making it about yourself.
Turn this blaming statement into an I-statement: “You don’t care about spending time with us.”
“I feel disconnected when we don’t spend much time together because being together is important to me.”
Someone is angry about a consequence you believe is fair. How can you validate the emotion without agreeing that the consequence is unfair?
“I understand why you’re upset. You really wanted a different outcome.”
Trust has been damaged after someone repeatedly broke an agreement. Name two specific behaviors that could help rebuild it over time.
Following through, being honest, checking in, taking responsibility, keeping agreements, etc.
Someone made a mistake and is afraid telling the truth will lead to consequences. Explain how honesty can still help the relationship even if there is a consequence.
It shows responsibility, gives accurate information, prevents more damage, and gives trust a chance to rebuild.
Pick one family member. Name one way they seem to show care and one way they may prefer to receive care.
Answers vary. Example: “Mom shows care by helping us, but she may feel connected when we spend time talking with her.”