Indirect cues
AD is excited and talking quickly. The peer sighs lightly and says:“Wow… that’s a lot to think about.”
What might the peer be hinting at?
The peer may feel overwhelmed and needs a pause or slower conversation.
Peer says, "she's ... interesting"
“Everyone’s different.”
“I don’t really comment on people.”
Teaching note:
Teaches recognition of sarcasm and coded insults.
You find out that a group of kids hung out after school, and you were not invited, even though you thought you were included.
Prompt:
“What could you say to yourself to feel okay and move forward?”
“It’s disappointing, but it doesn’t mean something is wrong with me.”
“I can try again another day.”
Your mom mentions that she asked you to do a chore a few hours ago and it's still not done.
What can you say to accept responsibility?
“I didn’t do what you asked, I'm sorry, I'll do it right now mom"
“That’s my responsibility, I should've listened the first time”
Defensive Responses to Avoid:
“I forgot.”
“You didn’t remind me.”
"I didn't hear you!"
A peer regularly sits with you at lunch, asks about your interests, listens when you talk, and includes you without asking for favors.
Is this genuine friendship, social courtesy, or manipulation?
Genuine friendship
AD is talking about something very personal at school. The peer shifts in their seat and says:“Uh… that’s kind of private.”
What might the peer be hinting at?
The peer feels uncomfortable and wants to change the topic.
Peer says, "she always causes drama"
“I try not to focus on drama.”
“I’m just here to get through the day.”
Teaching note:
Teaches emotional detachment from repeated gossip.
When you spoke during lunch, no one responded and the group continued talking without you.
"what's something helpful you can say to yourself?"
“They might not have heard me.”
“I can talk to someone else.”
Your mom tells you that the way you spoke to her sounded rude and hurtful.
What is something you can say to take responsibility without defending yourself?
“I understand I shouldn’t have spoken like that.”
“I was disrespectful, and I’m sorry.”
Defensive Responses to Avoid:
“You started it.”
“Well you were yelling! you don't care about our relationship!”
A peer who has made fun of you in the past is suddenly very nice and asks you for answers to homework questions.
What best describes this behavior?
Manipulation
AD is telling a long story during lunch. A peer leans forward and says: “Oh! That reminds me of something that happened to me…”
What might the peer be hinting at?
The peer wants a turn to talk or share their own story.
Peer says:
“Did you see what she posted? That was embarrassing.”
“I don’t really comment on people’s posts.”
“I try not to judge stuff online.”
Teaching note:
Teaches safe disengagement from digital drama.
A peer corrected you when you shared a story in a group.
"What could you say to yourself to move past this?"
“Everyone makes mistakes.”
“Being corrected is okay.”
Your mom reminds you that you broke a rule about social media use after you had already been told no.
What can you say that shows you understand what you did wrong?
“I understand I broke the rule, I need to work on following the rules.”
“I shouldn’t have gone on social media without permission.”
Defensive Responses to Avoid:
“Everyone else is allowed.”
“Teenagers like to be on social media!”
A peer is friendly at school but ignores your messages or avoids you outside of class.
What category best fits this behavior?
Social courtesy
AD and another student are talking about weekend plans. The peer starts giving shorter answers and looks at their phone. The peer says quietly: “Yeah… that’s cool.”
What might the peer be hinting at?
The peer may be bored, overwhelmed, or ready to end the conversation.
Peer says:
“Did you hear what she did?”
“No, and I don’t really want to get into it.”
“I try not to talk about people when they’re not here.”
Teaching note:
Teaches her to stop gossip before it starts.
A friend tells you you’re being too loud in front of others.
"What is something you can say to yourself that puts a positive spin on it?"
“I can adjust and keep going.”
“This doesn’t mean they don’t like me.”
Your mom brings up something you did that wasn’t acceptable, and you feel uncomfortable and want to change the topic.
What can you say instead of changing the subject?
“I need to change my behavior, and stop making the same mistakes"
“I understand why you’re upset.”
Defensive Responses to Avoid:
“Can we talk about something else?”
“Why are you always bringing this up?!”
A peer says, “You can sit with us if you agree that this other girl is annoying.”
What does this behavior reflect?
Manipulation
AD is asking a peer several questions in a row about their family. The peer laughs awkwardly and says:“You ask a lot of questions.”
What might the peer be hinting at?
The peer may want AD to stop asking questions or ask fewer questions.
Peer says:
“Do you think she’s okay mentally? She’s kind of unstable.”
“I don’t think it’s my place to judge that.”
“That feels too personal to talk about.”
Teaching note:
Teaches boundaries around mental health speculation.
A peer rolls their eyes and makes a face while you are talking.
What is something positive or neutral you can say to yourself about this?
“I don’t know what they’re thinking.”
“I can keep being myself.”
An argument starts getting louder, and your mom asks you to calm down.
What can you say to take accountability for your part?
“I’m getting too upset.”
“I need to calm down.”
Defensive Responses to Avoid:
“You’re yelling too.”
“we need to work on our relationship!”
A peer works with you during class, is polite and fair, but does not seek you out afterward.
Is this genuine friendship, social courtesy, or manipulation?
Social courtesy