Indirect cues
A peer who usually talks a lot gives one-word answers and avoids eye contact.
“What might the peer really be feeling?”
“They might be upset, sad, or annoyed.”
A peer rolls their eyes and says, “Wow, you’re really quiet. Don’t you have anything to say about it?”
“No.”
“I’m good.”
Teaching Point:
Silence or short answers are acceptable and powerful.
You find out that a group of kids hung out after school, and you were not invited, even though you thought you were included.
Prompt:
“What could you say to yourself to feel okay and move forward?”
“It’s disappointing, but it doesn’t mean something is wrong with me.”
“I can try again another day.”
Your teacher asks you to do something, and later she notices it wasn’t done.
What can you say to accept responsibility?
“I didn’t do what you asked.”
“That’s my responsibility.”
Defensive Responses to Avoid:
“I forgot.” (when used to deflect rather than acknowledge)
“You didn’t remind me.”
A peer regularly sits with you at lunch, asks about your interests, listens when you talk, and includes you without asking for favors.
Is this genuine friendship, social courtesy, or manipulation?
Genuine friendship
A peer says, “Do whatever you want,” while sighing.
“Do they really not care?”
“They care but feel frustrated.”
Hidden clue: Sighing suggests frustration or feeling unheard.
Peer says:
“I’m just worried about her… don’t you think she’s kinda unstable?”
“I don’t think it’s my place to talk about her.”
“I’m not comfortable with this conversation.”
Teaching note:
Teaches her to spot gossip masked as concern.
When you spoke during lunch, no one responded and the group continued talking without you.
"what's something helpful you can say to yourself?"
“They might not have heard me.”
“I can talk to someone else.”
Your mom tells you that the way you spoke to her sounded rude and hurtful.
What is something you can say to take responsibility without defending yourself?
“I understand I shouldn’t have spoken like that.”
“I was disrespectful, and I’m sorry.”
Defensive Responses to Avoid:
“You started it.”
“That’s just how I talk.”
A peer who has made fun of you in the past is suddenly very nice and asks you for answers to homework questions.
What best describes this behavior?
Manipulation
You share good news, and the peer says, “Oh. Cool,” without smiling.
“What might be going on?”
“They might be feeling left out or not in a good mood.”
Hidden clue: Flat responses may mean jealousy, sadness, or distraction.
In a group chat, someone sends a screenshot and says, “Look at this. Isn’t this so cringe?”
“I’m not getting into this.”
(No reply / leaving the chat, if appropriate)
Teaching Point:
Non-response can be a neutral response.
A peer corrected you when you shared a story in a group.
"What could you say to yourself to move past this?"
“Everyone makes mistakes.”
“Being corrected is okay.”
Your mom reminds you that you broke a rule about social media use after you had already been told no.
What can you say that shows you understand what you did wrong?
“I understand I broke the rule.”
“I shouldn’t have gone on social media without permission.”
Defensive Responses to Avoid:
“Everyone else is allowed.”
“You’re being unfair.”
A peer is friendly at school but ignores your messages or avoids you outside of class.
What category best fits this behavior?
Social courtesy
Alexa and another student are talking about plans. A peer nearby says softly:
“Oh… that sounds fun.”
“What might the peer be hinting at?”
“They might want to join or feel included.”
At lunch, two girls say, “Did you hear what everyone is saying about Emma? She’s so weird lately.” They look at AD like they expect her to agree.
“I don’t really want to talk about other people.”
“That’s not my business.”
Teaching Point:
Gossip can feel like an “in” with peers, but joining it does not lead to real acceptance.
A friend tells you you’re being too loud in front of others.
"What is something you can say to yourself that puts a positive spin on it?"
“I can adjust and keep going.”
“This doesn’t mean they don’t like me.”
Your mom brings up something you did that wasn’t acceptable, and you feel uncomfortable and want to change the topic.
What can you say instead of changing the subject?
“I know this is what we’re talking about right now.”
“I understand why you’re upset.”
Defensive Responses to Avoid:
“Can we talk about something else?”
“Why are you always bringing this up?”
A peer says, “You can sit with us if you agree that this other girl is annoying.”
What does this behavior reflect?
Manipulation
During group talking, Alexa keeps interrupting. A peer exhales loudly, looks at their desk, and says:
“…Anyway… like I was trying to say…”
“What is this peer trying to tell you indirectly?”
“They want me to stop interrupting.”
Hidden clue: They are annoyed by the interruptions.
Peers are scrolling through their phones together.
Peer says:
“Look at this post. People are talking about her in the comments.”
“I don’t want to be part of that.”
“That seems private.”
A peer rolls their eyes and makes a face while you are talking.
What is something positive or neutral you can say to yourself about this?
“I don’t know what they’re thinking.”
“I can keep being myself.”
An argument starts getting louder, and your mom asks you to calm down.
What can you say to take accountability for your part?
“I’m getting too upset.”
“I need to calm down.”
Defensive Responses to Avoid:
“You’re yelling too.”
“You made me mad.”
A peer works with you during class, is polite and fair, but does not seek you out afterward.
Is this genuine friendship, social courtesy, or manipulation?
Social courtesy