Aiden's Important Life Dates
What is the date of your birth?
A Los Angeles jew, of this show, and to whom I am oft compared, says, "I’m not being overdramatic when I say I would rather sit naked on a hot grill than wear something off the rack."
What is New Girl?
What is Crucifixion?
Name a woman.
(the only wrong answer is Michelle Obama or any man)
My favorite muscles to flex.
What are the quadriceps?
May 11th, 2019
What is the date of your Bar Mitzvah?
Jessica Walter and Jason Bateman in this show - "I walk in and there was a colored man in my kitchen." "Colored? What color was he?" "Blue."
What is Arrested Development?
This method of execution starts with each appendage tied to a horse.
What is drawn and quartered?
The day The Glow pt. 2 released.
What is September 11th, 2001?
This is the ring size of my left ring finger.
What is 9.5?
August 16th, 2024
What is the day Jasper and I moved in?
"Because of the implication," this Philadelphian womanizer says.
Who is Dennis Reynolds?
This method involves dripping cold water on a restrained subject, and is most effective when the timing of the drops is randomized.
What is Chinese water torture?
German expressionist painter who created a series of 13 paintings of the Gelmeroda church in Weimar Germany (who is also featured in the Toledo Museum of Art).
Who is Lyonel Feininger?
The part of my body with the largest mole.
What is my left leg?
September 23rd, 2023
This high society woman says "If I wanted to play ping pong... well if I wanted to play ping pong I would kill myself."
Who is Emily Gilmore?
Iran and the United States are alleged to have used this colorless torture method.
What is white torture?
This collaboration between Floating points and Pharoah Sanders would turn out to be the latter's last album.
What is Promises?
This is my handspan, in inches (from outstretched pinky to thumb). +/- .25 inches
What is 9.5 inches?
April 30th, 2025
What is the date you cut off the greatest source of evil in your life?
This titular actor and creator says "That one egg was forty eggs."
Who is Tim Robinson?
This execution method, displayed in Ari Aster's Midsommar, but of questionable historicity, involves the lungs being pulled through a cavity in the back and the victim being suspended the long way in the air.
What is the Blood Eagle?
This is the creator of two viral humorous essays, entitled Mario, the Idea vs Mario, the Man and The Mammal and the Reptile - A Painful Story. Perchance.
Who is Phil Jamesson?
This is what I'm thinking about right now.
What is head cheese? (jellied meat dish made from the trimmings of the head of a pig or calf)