Name that emotion!
You didn't like the lunch being served at school that day so you don't eat a lot at lunch. Later in the afternoon you get in trouble for talking back to a teacher. You don't know why, but you are so angry at your teacher and can't seem to calm down. What is going on underneath the anger?
Hunger
I feel angry when I'm hungry because...
I don't have the energy to manage my emotions
Kids are being really loud in your classroom and your teacher is telling you about an upcoming test, and you just realized you forgot your homework. You start snapping at everyone who looks at you. What's going on beneath the anger?
Overwhelmed
I feel angry when I'm overwhelmed because...
It can be hard to organize my thoughts and feelings so I explode.
Name something you can do when you're angry at school.
Walk away, think of a happy place, reach out to a counselor
Your mom told you after school you would go get some ice cream. When the end of the school day comes she tells you that you have a dentist appointment she forgot about and you can no longer get ice cream. You yell at her that it's unfair. What's going on beneath the anger?
Disappointment
I feel angry when I'm disappointed because...
I feel let down over something I was excited about.
You were talking to a kid beside you during class time, and your favorite teacher asks you to be quiet. You snap back that you don't care about them. What's going on beneath the anger?
Guilt/shame
I feel angry when I'm ashamed because...
I want people to think well of me.
Name something you can do when you're angry at home.
Take space alone, ask my mom for help, write out how I'm feeling.
You are sitting alone in class and see a group of kids in the back of the class being really loud. You snap at them to be quiet. What's going on beneath the anger?
Loneliness
I feel angry when I'm lonely because...
It makes me question if people care about me.
Your mom mentioned not feeling well before you left for school. You can't keep wondering if she is okay throughout the day. When your teacher asks you why you're not paying attention, you snap back at them. What's going on beneath the anger?
Worry/anxiety
I feel angry when I'm worried because...
Being worried is an uncomfortable feeling which can be frustrating
Name something you can do when you're acting angry, but it might be something beneath the surface.
Take some space to think about what's been going on. Think about what happened before and after the anger to help pin point what it was that made you angry. From there you can problem-solve. EXAMPLE: you get into an argument with a kid in your class after lunch. If you think about it some more you may realize you didn't eat enough and need to have a snack to manage your anger.
You and a kid are joking with each other, but the jokes start to go to far and the kid gets upset. He tells you that you better not say anything like that again, and you challenge him right back. What's going on beneath the anger?
Threatened
I feel angry when I'm threatened because...
I don't want anything to happen to me.
You raise your hand to answer in class and the teacher says it's not right. One of the kids behind you laughs and so you say something rude to him. What's going on beneath the anger?
Embarrassment
I feel angry when I'm embarrassed because...
I want people to think I'm good at things
Name something you can do when you're getting angry while interacting with someone else.
Suggest you talk about it later when you're not angry.
Use an "I feel" statement to explain where you're coming from to them.
Write out your feelings and then decide whether to share it with them.
You see a kid at school with a brand new pair of shoes that everyone is complimenting. You have been wanting that same pair of sneakers for awhile, but you tell him you think the shoes are ugly on him. What's going on beneath the anger?
Jealousy
I feel angry when I'm jealous because...
Comparing myself to others can make me not feel good about myself
You didn't get a lot of sleep last night. In the morning your mom is telling you to get ready for school, you snap at her to quit nagging you. What's going on beneath the anger?
Tired
I feel angry when I'm tired because...
It can be hard to manage my emotions when I have low energy
Name something you can do when someone is angry with you.
Think more about what's going on beneath the surface for them. Maybe the kid at school is being rude to you is feeling insecure. Maybe mom snapped at you because she is overwhelmed with having to take care of everyone. Maybe your teacher is angry with you because he missed lunch and is really hungry and struggling to be patient.
If you understand other's anger, you can decide how best to respond or feel better understanding that they may not be necessarily angry at you. They just have a lot going on beneath the surface.