Understanding Anger
Anger is a normal human _______.
Emotion
Name one thing you can do to calm yourself when you notice you're getting angry.
Deep breathing, walk away, take space, count, listen to music, ground yourself, etc.
"I feel ______ when ______ because _______" is an example of what kind of statement?
"I" Statement.
Someone cuts in front of you in line. You immediately feel irritated. What's one healthy first response?
Pause, breathe, and choose how to respond rather than reacting immediately.
True or False: You can control whether you ever feel angry.
False. You can't always control the feeling, but you can work on how you respond to it.
True or False: Feeling angry is the same thing as behaving aggressively?
False. Anger is an emotion; aggression is a behaviour.
When taking deep breaths to calm down, should your exhale generally be shorter or longer than your inhale?
Longer.
Which is more likely to keep a conversation calm: "You never listen to me!" or "I don't feel heard right now."
"I don't feel heard right now"
Someone sends you a text that makes you furious. What's one thing you should do before replying?
Wait until you're calmer/re-read it before responding.
Before reacting when angry, name one question you could ask yourself.
Examples: "Will this matter tomorrow?"
"What do I actually need?"
"What happens if I react this way?"
"Am I assuming something?"
Name two physical signs that can tell you you're angry.
Racing heart, clenched jaw/fists, feeling hot, tense muscles, shaking, faster breathing, etc.
Name three healthy ways someone could release angry energy.
Exercise, walking, journaling, music, cleaning, talking to someone, art, stretching, etc.
What does active listening mean?
Giving someone your attention and trying to understand what they're saying rather than just preparing your response
You're arguing with someone and notice you're yelling and your heart is racing. What could you say to pause the conversation appropriately?
Example: "I'm getting too worked up. I need a break, and then we can come back to this."
What's the difference between a reaction and a response?
A reaction is more automatic/impulsive; a response involves pausing and making a more intentional choice.
What is a trigger?
Something that bring up or increases an emotional reaction such as anger.
Change this into a more assertive statement: "Leave me alone! You're making me so mad!"
Example: "I'm getting overwhelmed and need some space. We can talk when I'm calmer."
Someone says something disrespectful to you. Give an assertive response that sets a boundary without becoming aggressive.
Example: "I'm willing to talk about this, but I'm not okay with being spoken to that way."
You're convinced someone ignored your text because they're mad at you. What's another possible explanation?
Examples: They're busy, asleep, at work, their phone is off, they forgot, or they don't know how to respond.
What is the difference between a primary emotion and a secondary emotion? How can anger sometimes be a secondary emotion?
A primary emotion is the feeling underneath, such as hurt, fear, embarrassment, sadness, or rejection. Anger can be a secondary emotion that shows up in response to those feelings.
You're at an 8/10 anger level and you're likely to say something you'll regret. What's a better choice than trying to solve the disagreement immediately?
Take time and space, regulate yourself, and return to the conversation when calmer.
What's the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive communication?
Passive = doesn't express your needs;
Aggressive = expresses needs while disrespecting others;
Assertive = clearly and respectfully expresses your needs and boundaries.
You've had a terrible day, and then someone makes a small mistake that sends you over the edge. Why might your reaction be much bigger than the situation?
Stress and emotions can build up, lowering our ability to cope with another trigger. The immediate situation may only be the final trigger.
You're extremely angry with someone and want to confront them immediately. Before deciding what to do, name three things you should consider about the possible consequences of your response.
Examples: Will this make the situation better or worse? Could someone get hurt? Could I damage a relationship? Could there be wok/legal consequences? Will I regret what I say or do? What outcome do I actually want? Is there a safer way to handle this? Etc.