Neurodevelopmental Domains
Child covers ears, retreats from the group, and becomes tearful
Sensory, Emotional
Child says, "I'm going to mess this up"
We can try one small step. It does not have to be perfect.
It's okay to make mistakes while you're learning.
You don't have to have it all figured out before you start.
It sounds like you're worried about making a mistake.
This nervous system response increases heart rate, breathing, and stress hormones when a threat is detected.
Fight-or-flight response (sympathetic nervous system activation)
Child writes/draws something, erases it repeatedly, and appears stuck trying to make it “just right.”
“It seems like you’re aiming for a specific way this should look.”
"You wrote it, then erased it, then wrote it again. Do you want to keep this version or try one more time?"
"I see you’re erasing it each time. What if you add on to your drawing instead of erasing. What would you add?"
A caregiver says, "My child knows their fear doesn't make sense, so why can't they stop worrying?"
Example: "Anxiety isn't just a thinking problem. It's a nervous system response. Even when a child logically knows they're safe, their brain and body may still be reacting as if there's a threat."
Child says "This will go badly" before a task
Cognitive
"This is too hard"
It feels hard right now. Let’s break it into one part.
What part feels hardest?
You don't have to do it all at once.
This part of the brain helps with reasoning, flexibility, and impulse control but becomes less effective during stress.
Prefrontal cortex
A child hesitates to start work and says, “I don't know how to do this.” or “I’m going to mess up.”
“It feels hard to start something new.” Keep your tone calm and supportive, and avoid jumping straight into instructions or asking questions.
“You don’t have to do it perfectly. We can just start with one small step.” Support by breaking the task down: start with the first tiny step together, model it, or do it side-by-side. Offer choices like which part to start with to increase control. You can also add sensory and motor supports depending on the child’s needs: allow fidgets, movement breaks, seating adjustments, or doing the task while standing or moving. Some children regulate better when their body is engaged.
A parent asks why their child refuses activities they would enjoy if they tried it out.
"Avoidance is a very common anxiety response. In the short term it helps a child feel relief, but over time it can actually make anxiety stronger because the child doesn't get the opportunity to learn they can handle the situation."
Child paces, fidgets with hair, and moves frequently during a task
Motor, Sensory, Emotional
"What if something bad happens?"
That sounds like a big worry.
Your brain is thinking about a lot of possibilities.
What part are you most concerned about?
Let's look at what we know right now.
This brain structure rapidly scans for danger and can activate before conscious awareness.
Amygdala
Child becomes quiet and stops answering questions when discussing a difficult topic.
Language, Emotional
Let's try one part together.
What would help make it feel more doable?
This feels out of reach right now. Would you like to try again or take a break first?
Would you like help getting started?
Let's figure out where you're getting stuck.
According to Dr. Daniel Siegel's hand model, when the "lid flips," this part of the brain temporarily goes offline.
The prefrontal cortex (thinking brain)
Child says, “This is stupid, I’m not doing it.”
“It sounds like this feels frustrating or not worth doing right now.”
“Something about this isn’t working for you. What feels off about it?”
“This part doesn’t feel interesting to you. Let’s see if we can make it feel a bit more interesting or change how we do it.”
“We can finish one small part, then switch to something else.”
Child reports having a stomach ache before school daily
Cognitive, Emotional
"This is different. This isn't the right way to do the obstacle course."
You're noticing that the obstacle course changed.
This is different from how you've done it before.
There are a few ways to complete this course. Would you like me to show you this version?
You're used to one way, and today we're trying something new.
It's okay to need time to get used to a change.
What we're seeing during an anxiety response is often not a lack of skill but a change in this:
A change in state (arousal state)
Child shuts down and stops responding after feedback on a task.
“It seems like that feedback felt like a lot to take in just now.”
“I’m noticing you got quieter. Would you like a break or a different way to continue?”
“It looks like something shifted after I said that. Do you want to pause or try it a different way?”
“We can look at it together and see what part you want to work on next.”