Steps to an Apology
Step 1
"I am sorry for..."
What are you sorry for? (Remember, be specific and apologize for what you did, not for how the other person reacted. For example: I am sorry I ripped your book.)
"I am sorry you didn’t look where you were walking so I tripped you."
Bad.
A good apology never blames the other person for your behavior. It is important to take responsibility for your actions.
You roll your eyes and yell "Ugh fine! I'm sorry I called you a weirdo!"
Politely and genuinely say "I am sorry for calling you a weirdo. It was wrong because it was hurtful. Next time I will not say anything if I do not have anything nice to say. Will you forgive me?"
Sam colors over Tiffany’s picture.
Sam should say "I am sorry for coloring over your picture. It was wrong because because it destroyed your hard work and hurt your feelings. Next time I will color on my own paper. Will you forgive me?"
Sarah smashes Peter’s sandcastle in the sandbox.
Sarah should say to Peter "I am sorry for smashing your sandcastle. It was wrong because it destroyed something you care about. Next time I will knock over my own sandcastle. Can I help you rebuild it?"
Step 2
"It was wrong because..."
Tell the other person why what you did was wrong. It is important to say why it was wrong from their point of view, not because you got caught or got in trouble.
For example: It was wrong because it made you feel really sad and it ruined something that you cared about.
"I'm sorry I hit you, but you made me mad!"
Bad.
A good apology never focuses on the other person did.
"I'm sorry I hit you, but you broke my Lego tower!"
"I am sorry for hitting you. It was wrong because it was unsafe and mean. Next time I will use my stress ball when I get angry. Will you forgive me?"
Tim lost Annie’s favorite book
Tim should say to Annie: "I am sorry that I lost your favorite book. It is wrong because I did not take care of something you trusted me with. Next time I will make sure to put the book in my backpack so it does not get lost. Will you forgive me?"
You’re playing soccer at recess. A classmate wants to join, but he is not very good at soccer. You tell the classmate that he cannot play. The classmate feels sad and hurt.
You should say to the classmate "I am sorry for not including you in the soccer game. It was wrong because it made you feel left out. Next time I will ask you to play. Is there something else I can do to make it up to you?"
Step 3
"Next Time I will..."
Tell the other person what you will do different next time. Remember to be Specific.
For example: Next time I will be more careful when I am reading your books or playing with your toys.
"I’m sorry I tripped you. It was wrong because you could get hurt. Are you okay? Next time I will move out of the way. Will you forgive me?"
Good.
"I'm sorry I called you stupid. You were annoying me!"
"I am sorry I called you stupid. It was wrong because it was mean and hurtful. Next time I will kindly ask for space or alone time when I am getting frustrated. Will you forgive me?"
Your best friend has a new toy that you really like. You take it without asking. Your friend is upset.
You should say to your friend "I am sorry for taking your toy. It was wrong because it was not mine to take. Next time I will ask before touching something of yours. Will you forgive me?"
You are building a block tower, but a classmate came by and knocked it over. You feel angry and pushed the classmate over.
You should say to the classmate "I am sorry for pushing you over. It was wrong because I was acting out of anger and you could have been hurt. Next time I will walk away and take deep breaths instead. Will you forgive me?"
Step 4
"Will you forgive me?" and/or "How can I make it up to you?" and/or "How can I fix it?"
Ask to be forgiven. It is important to ask the other person to forgive you. You can also ask if there is anything you can do to make it better.
Shouting “Ok, Ok! I said I’m sorry!”
Bad.
A good apology never includes frustrated or annoyed body language, tone of voice, or facial expression.
"I am sorry for taking your balloon. It was wrong because stealing is not kind. Next time I will ask if I can see it and then give it back to you. Will you forgive me?"
Your brother or sister keeps throwing wads of paper at you. You feel annoyed and hit him or her.
You should say to your brother or sister "I am sorry for hitting you. It was wrong because it was unsafe. Next time I will ask you to stop or get help from mom and dad. Will you forgive me?"
At recess, you want to play on the swings, but they are all taken. You yell and push a classmate out of the swing. The classmate now has a cut on her knee and is bleeding.
You should tell the classmate "I am sorry for yelling and pushing you. It was wrong because it was unsafe, hurt your feelings, and hurt your knee. Next time I will go play on the slide when the swings are all taken. How can I make it up to you?"
Step 5
Learn from your mistake. Change your behavior. An apology is not real if you continue to make the same negative choice.
"What?! You don't forgive me?! Well I didn't mean it anyways! I'm not sorry!"
Bad.
A good apology means being okay if the other person is still upset and not getting mad if our apology is not accepted right away.
Sometimes, our apologies fix whatever has happened on the spot. But some other times, the other person still feels hurt and needs some space and time before they are ready to forgive us.
"I'm sorry for yelling, but I was right!"
"I am sorry for yelling at you. It was wrong because it was not kind and unhelpful. Next time I will wait my turn to speak. Will you forgive me?"
It is silent reading time and you are bored. You decide to poke the person sitting next to you with your pencil. Your classmate is feeling annoyed and distracted.
You should tell to your classmate and teacher "I am sorry for poking you with the pencil. It was wrong because it could have hurt you and kept you from focusing on your work. Next time I will pick a more interesting book for me to read and stay focused. Will you forgive me?"
You see your friend whispering to someone else and looking at you. When you walk over, they stop talking. You are feeling angry and call your friend a mean name.
You should tell your friend "I am sorry for calling you a mean name. It was wrong because I made assumptions and hurt your feelings. Next time I will ask you what is going on before jumping to conclusions. Will you forgive me?"