Communication Styles
This communication style involves staying silent, bottling things up, and not expressing needs.
Passive Communication
This step requires stating only observable facts without judgment to prevent defensiveness.
What is Describe?
Staying focused on your goal and using the “broken record” technique occurs in this step.
Mindful
Myth or No Myth: “Assertiveness is basically the same as being aggressive”
Myth
According to the video, when saying no, you should avoid doing this—such as saying, “Well… maybe…”
Beating Around the Bush
Giving the silent treatment or showing up late instead of saying you're upset are examples of this indirect style.
Passive Aggressive Communication
“When you ___, I feel ___” is the formula used in this DEAR step.
Express
Repeating your request calmly and consistently is called this technique.
Broken Record Technique
This myth claims that if you speak up, it will guarantee the outcome you want.
“If I am assertive, I will get what I want”
This is the recommended clear, simple phrase structure for saying no.
"I'm sorry but I am not able to do that."
Yelling, blaming, controlling others, or making demands describes this communication style.
Aggressive Communication
This part involves clearly stating what you want or don’t want, often using “I want…”
Assert
Maintaining eye contact and not apologizing excessively is part of this step.
Appear Confident
The myth “If I ask for something, it means I'm weak” fits into this category of barriers.
When pressured after saying no, DBT recommends using this DEAR MAN technique repeatedly.
Broken Record Technique
This communication style involves expressing needs directly while respecting your own and others’ rights.
Assertive Communication
In DEAR, this step explains the positive outcome of the other person cooperating.
Reinforce
Offering alternative solutions or asking for the other person’s suggestions is part of this step.
Negotiate
This myth says being assertive is rude or pushy, even though assertiveness actually respects everyone’s rights.
“Being assertive is aggressive / pushy / rude"
The video warns not to offer alternatives you don’t genuinely want to do during this MAN step.
Negotiation
According to the video, this communication style helps you get your objectives met more effectively.
Assertive Communication
“If you let me know you’ll be late, I won’t be as stressed when you arrive” is an example of this step.
Reinforce
This step reminds us that people are more willing to cooperate when they get something in return.
Negotiate
This myth states that you must always be assertive, even in unsafe situations.
“If I am assertive, I have to be assertive in every situation”
Saying no respectfully supports this core DBT effectiveness goal.
Objectives Effectiveness