Dad Joke #1
Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted.
Q: Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the road?
A: Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.
Q: What do you call a penguin in the White House?
A: Lost
Q: When I was a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft
A: I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there
“Knock, knock.”
Q: How do moths swim?
A: Using the butterfly stroke.
Q: Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell?
A: He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish
Q: Which is faster, hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch a cold.
Q: Why should you never trust a carp’s excuse?
A: They always seem a little fishy
What did the evil chicken lay?
Deviled eggs
Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course! Buildings can’t jump, silly.
Q: What kind of music do the planets listen to?
A: Nep-tunes!
Q: Why can’t you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything
Did you hear they arrested the devil?
Yeah, they got him on possession
Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: 10 tickles
Q: I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden
A: but how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Q: Where do baby cats learn to swim?
A: The kitty pool
Q: What invention allows us to see through walls?
A: Windows
I want to go on record that I support farming
As a matter of fact, you could call me protractor
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk!
Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with a moody cow?
A: An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaaad moooooooood.
Q: What did the alpaca say to his date?
A: “Want to go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.”
Q: There’s only one thing I can’t deal with
A: And that’s a deck of cards glued together
Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
Because they were watchdogs