Types of Boundaries
Personal Boundaries
Refers to personal space and physical touch. Healthy physical boundaries include an awareness of what’s appropriate, and what’s not, in various settings and types of relationships (hug, shake hands, or kiss?). Physical boundaries may be violated if someone touches you when you don’t want them to, or when they invade your personal space (for example, rummaging through your bedroom).
Use Confident Body Language by doing?
Face the other person, make eye contact, and use a steady tone of voice at an appropriate volume (not too quiet, and not too loud).
What is Confident Body Language
Face the other person, make eye contact, and use a steady tone of voice at an appropriate volume (not too quiet, and not too loud).
General Boundaries
Anything that defines and differentiates you as separate from others (and others from you) is a boundary, and anything needed to keep you healthy and "safe" interpersonally and in the world constitutes a boundary issue.
Know your limits
Before becoming involved in a situation, know what’s acceptable to you, and what isn’t. It’s best to be as specific as possible, or you might be pulled into the trap of giving just a little bit more, over and over, until you’ve given far too much.
Emotional Boundaries
Refers to a person’s feelings. Healthy emotional boundaries include limitations on when to share, and when not to share, personal information. For example, gradually sharing personal information during the development of a relationship, as opposed to revealing everything to everyone. Emotional boundaries are violated when someone criticizes, belittles, or invalidates another person’s feelings.
Be respectful by?
Avoid yelling, using put-downs, or giving the silent treatment. It’s okay to be firm, but your message will be better received if you are respectful.
Ways To Be Respectful
Avoid yelling, using put-downs, or giving the silent treatment. It’s okay to be firm, but your message will be better received if you are respectful.
Personal Boundaries
Are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships.
Know your values
Every person’s limits are different, and they’re often determined by their personal values. For example, if you value family above all else, this might lead to stricter limits on how late you will stay at work, away from family. Know what’s most important to you,and protect it.
Intellectual Boundaries
Refers to thoughts and ideas. Healthy intellectual boundaries include respect for others’ ideas, and an awareness of appropriate discussion (should we talk about the weather, or politics?). Intellectual boundaries are violated when someone dismisses or belittles another person’s thoughts or ideas.
Plan ahead by?
Think about what you want to say, and how you will say it, before entering a difficult discussion. This can help you feel more confident about your position.
How To Plan Ahead
Think about what you want to say, and how you will say it, before entering a difficult discussion. This can help you feel more confident about your position.
Rigid Boundaries
Keeps most people at a distance.
Very untrusting of others.
Very guarded with personal information.
Says “no” to others most of the time.
Detached from others’ problems.
Tends to ignore others’ opinions.
Avoids conflict by pushing others away.
Has inflexible personal values.
Communicates aggressively.
Listen to your emotions and know your mindset
If you notice feelings of discomfort or resentment, don’t bury them. Try to understand what your feelings are telling you. Resentment, for example, can often be traced to feelings of being taken advantage of.
Some days you will give more than you take, and other days you will take more than you give. Be willing to take a longer view of relationships, when appropriate. But if you’re always the one who’s giving or taking, there might be a problem.
Sexual Boundaries
Refer to the emotional, intellectual, and physical aspects of sexuality. Healthy sexual boundaries involve mutual understanding and respect of limitations and desires between sexual partners. Sexual boundaries can be violated with unwanted sexual touch, pressure to engage in sexual acts, leering, or sexual comments.
Compromise
When appropriate, listen and consider the needs of the other person. You never have to compromise, but give-and-take is part of any healthy relationship.
How To Compromise
When appropriate, listen and consider the needs of the other person. You never have to compromise, but give-and-take is part of any healthy relationship.
Healthy Boundaries
Selective about whom to let in and keep out.
Takes time to build trust with others.
Shares personal information appropriately.
Able to say “no” when needed.
Supports others without being too involved.
Values both own and others’ opinions.
Accepts conflict as a normal part of life.
Stands by personal values but can adapt.
Communicates assertively.
Have self-respect and respect for others
If you always give in to others, ask if you are showing as much respect to yourself as you show to others. Boundaries that are too open might be due to misguided attempts to be liked by elevating other people’s needs above one’s own.
Be sure that your actions are not self-serving, at the expense of others. Interactions should not be about winning, or taking as much as possible. Instead, consider what’s fair to everyone, given the setting and relationship. You might “win”, but at the cost of a relationship’s long-term health.
Material Boundaries
Refer to money and possessions. Healthy material boundaries involve setting limits on what you will share, and with whom. For example, it may be appropriate to lend a car to a family member, but probably not to someone you met this morning. Material boundaries are violated when someone steals or damages another person’s possessions, or when they pressure them to give or lend them their possessions.
Know your boundaries?
Boundaries should be based on your values, or the things that are important to you. For example, if you value spending time with family, set firm boundaries about working late.
Your boundaries are yours, and yours alone. Many of your boundaries might align with those who are close to you, but others will be unique.
Know your boundaries before entering a situation. This will make it less likely you’ll do something you’re not comfortable with.
What to Say
You always have the right to say “no”. When doing so, express yourself clearly and without ambiguity so there is no doubt about what you want.
“I’m not comfortable with this”
“Please don’t do that”
“Not at this time”
“I can’t do that for you”
“This doesn’t work for me”
“I’ve decided not to”
“This is not acceptable”
“I’m drawing the line at ___”
“I don’t want to do that”
Porous Boundaries
Lets almost anyone get close to them.
Overly trusting of others, even strangers.
Overshares personal information.
Has difficulty saying “no” to others.
Overly involved in others’ problems.
Quick to adopt others’ opinions.
Avoids conflict by giving in to others.
Does not assert personal values.
Communicates passively.
Be assertive
When you know it’s time to set a boundary, don’t be shy. Say “no” respectfully, but without ambiguity. If you can make a compromise while respecting your own boundaries, try it. This is a good way to soften the “no”, while showing respect to everyone involved. Communicate without cognitive distortions and criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.