Types of Boundaries
You want to go to a movie tonight with your sibling. They are usually late for things and the movie starts at 5:00pm. You say "I would appreciate it if you can let me know if you will be running late." What type of boundary is this?
Time
You notice your roommate has been eating your food in the refrigerator. You never told them that they could eat your food and you spent the money on it. How would you set a boundary with them?
"I'd like to keep our food separate. If there is something of mine that you want, please ask me before taking it."
You meet a someone new at a Football game. They ask for your social media information. You do not want this information given out. How do you set a boundary with this person?
I am not comfortable giving out this information at the moment
True or False: You should always explain why you have set a boundary with someone
False, You do not need to justify or prove your wants and needs. It is ok to just say "no."
What are some feelings that may occur when someone does not respect our boundaries?
Fear (worried, frightened, anxious); Anger (agitated, annoyed, hostile); Sadness (hurt, disappointed, distressed); Surprise (confused, shocked)
You have a distant family member coming to visit. You do not know them yet and are not comfortable giving them a hug. When they come to greet you, you say "Nice to meet you" and put your hand out to shake. What type of boundary is this?
Physical
Your friend calls you up at 1am to discuss problems in their relationship. You need to wake up at 6am for school. How would you set a boundary with them?
"I can tell you are upset but I need to go to bed. Maybe we can talk tomorrow."
Your family member is calling you a nickname that you do not like. How do you set a boundary with them?
I do not like the name that you are using. I would appreciate it if you could use my preferred name.
True or False: Your boundaries are able to be changed
True: It is normal for your boundaries to shift with people over time. We might not be okay with something at the beginning of a relationship, but we might be totally cool with it a few months down the line. On the other hand, we might realize something crosses a boundary for us after experiencing it for the first time. Every person has the right to change their mind about what their boundaries are at any time.
True or False: Healthy boundaries are how we control the behavior of other people
False: Healthy boundaries are about controlling our own behavior. So, rather than telling another person to behave in a certain way (or to stop behaving in a certain way), we simply let them know that a behavior of theirs upsets us and, in the future, if/when they engage in that behavior, we will respond to that in a self-protective way
You are out to dinner with a friend and they ask you to talk about your treatment. You are not comfortable talking to them about it so you say "That is too personal for me to discuss with you." What type of boundary is this?
Emotional Boundaries
You invited a friend over for the evening, but now it is getting late. You would like to get ready for bed, but your friend seems unaware of how late it is. How would you set a boundary with this friend?
I think that it is getting a little late and I would like to get going to bed soon.
Someone in your college class hasn't completed their assignment. They ask you for yours so they can copy off of you. You do not want to do it because you worked hard on this. How would you set a boundary with them?
I am not comfortable with that, maybe I can help you during free time.
True; Example: If you value personal space you can set a boundary for people to not hug you when greeting you.
True or False: Setting boundaries involves saying no all the time
False; learning to say no is a big part of proper boundary setting, but this is not the end all be all. Learning to say no is ultimately about learning to say yes to the things that truly matter in your relationships with yourself and others
It's getting late and you have a big exam tomorrow. You also have two more episodes left of your favorite show. You tell yourself that you need to go to bed and the show will be there tomorrow. What type of boundary is this?
Time
You missed some time at work to go to treatment. When you get back, a colleague asks what happened. You feel this information is personal, and do not want to share. How would you set a boundary with your colleague?
I actually would like keep that to myself.
Your coworker needed a day off of work. They decided to cross their name off the schedule and put your name on it without asking. How would you set a boundary with your coworker?
I would appreciate you asking me to cover your shift before you put my name on the schedule.
True or False: You can't set boundaries with yourself
False: Boundaries help you monitor your own behavior and create a healthy structure for your life. (example: going to bed at a certain time, limiting social media, sticking to a budget)
Why is it important to set healthy boundaries?
To practice self-care and self-respect
To communicate your needs in a relationship
To make time and space for positive interactions
To set limits in a relationship in a way that is healthy
Intellectual
You and a friend are playing video games. Your friend is using language that is offensive. How can you set a boundary with that friend?
"I am not comfortable when you use those words around me."
Your friend is asking to borrow a book that you love. You are not comfortable with them taking it because they did not return the last book they borrowed. How would set a boundary?
I am not comfortable letting you borrow my book until you return the last book.
True or False: Boundaries are a form of self-care
True: Setting boundaries show that you understand that you deserve to be treated well and that your wants and needs are valid
Why is being assertive useful in setting boundaries?
People who lack assertiveness skills have difficulties saying “no." Assertiveness involves confidence and self-assurance. It is about speaking for yourself respectfully, without being aggressive or submissive.