Personal Boundaries
What is an example of a boundary that you have for yourself?
1. I will not be yelled at.
2. I will be left alone when I need time to myself.
Is lying to your friends a boundary violation?
Yes! Lying to your friends does not feel very good and it can hurt the friendship
True or False:
Boundaries do not matter in a family because you are family and live with each other.
FALSE
Boundaries are very important to keep in a family
You should know your boundaries before or after entering a situation.
Before
Situation: Your friend calls you at 11 pm to discuss issues she is having with a family member. You need to wake up at 6 am. What is your response?
Depends on your response.
Option: “I can tell you’re upset. I want to talk to you, but I need to go to bed. Maybe we can talk tomorrow afternoon.”
How can you tell someone that they are violating one of your boundaries?
1. Please do not touch or yell at me
2. I do not like when you do that behavior and you need to stop.
If you are seeing two of your friends arguing, is it ok to get in the middle of the argument and involve yourself?
No. It is not a good idea to involve yourself in arguments that do not include you. However, if you feel like helping, you may ask if your friends would like your support.
Why are boundaries important to have in your family?
Boundaries keep family members safe
Boundaries keep family members feel cared for
Boundaries show respect in a family
True or False
When we do something wrong, lying is only ok if it is a tiny lie.
FALSE
Lying is a boundary violation. It is never ok to lie because it creates distrust which hurts relationships.
Situation: You invited a friend over for the evening, but now it’s getting late. You would like to get ready for bed, but your friend seems unaware of how late it is.
Depends on your response.
Option: "I enjoy spending time together but I would like to prepare for bed. Maybe we can continue to hang out on another day."
What can you do if a person keeps violating your personal boundaries after you have already asked them to stop?
1. Remove yourself from their presence
2. Tell a trusted adult
3. Tell your teacher
Knowing your friend does not like to be touched, is hi-fiving him/her after winning a game a boundary violation?
Yes or No, it depends on the dynamic of the relationship.
Boundaries should be _____ as possible
Specific
What are 3 things that you should avoid doing when setting boundaries?
Avoid yelling, using put-downs, giving the silent treatment, using an aggressive tone, or being disrespectful in any other way.
Situation: You missed several days of work due to a medical condition. When you get back, a coworker asks what happened. You feel this information is personal, and do not want to share.
Depends on the response.
Option: "I appreciate your concern, I had a few personal matters to attend to."
If someone keeps violating your personal boundaries, it is acceptable for you to yell at them?
No. It is not ok to yell at people. We may politely tell others how we prefer to be treated.
Ex. "Please don't stand so close to me. I enjoy hanging out with you, but I also need more personal space."
Name one consequence that can happen if you violate your friend's personal boundary?
1. They stop being your friend.
2. Your friend will feel uncomfortable around you.
True or False
If a family member asks you to stop doing something because it makes them feel uncomfortable, is it no big deal if you keep doing it?
False, it is definitely a big deal. Every family member deserves to feel safe. If you are doing something that makes your family member feel sad, mad, scared or bothered then they aren't feeling very safe.
True or False
Everyone has the exact same boundaries
FALSE
Everyone is different. There may be some behaviors that other people do not like that you may not mind. There may be some behaviors that really bother you, but others are ok with it.
Situation: A salesperson comes to your door during dinner. You try to politely show disinterest, but they keep giving their sales pitch. You want to get back to dinner.
Depends on your response.
Option: "Thank you for stopping by, but unfortunately I am busy at the moment."
Someone violates your boundary by taking some of your things. What is the best way of dealing with this using expected behavior?
I can ask them to please give my stuff back and that they need to ask me next time before they take my things.
Your friend is very upset and doesn't want to talk to you right now. What is the best way to respect his or her boundary?
I can give them some space and then follow up with them when they are not upset to find out what happened and talk through it with them.
What are two boundaries that everyone has in your family and how can you respect those boundaries?
Ex. No yelling, clean up after yourself, and treat others respectfully.
What are some boundaries at school with teachers and other kids and how do you respect those?
Different answers
Situation for parent: Your coworker is upset about their recent performance review. They start yelling and slamming their fist on their desk. This is making you very uncomfortable.
Situation for teen: Your classmate is upset about their recent grade. They start yelling and slamming their fist on their desk. This is making you very uncomfortable.
Depends on your response.
Option for parents and teens: "I can tell that you're upset at the moment, but your behavior is making me uncomfortable."