Boundaries
What is a boundary?
Guidelines defining what's okay and what's not okay in relationships and interactions with others.
What is consent?
Consent is giving permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
Who do you give handshakes too?
Strangers, in professional settings.
Harry asks Sally for a pencil, Sally gives him a pencil. Harry takes the pencil and says "thank you".
Yes, Harry asked for a pencil, and Sally gave him one.
What are boundary violations?
An action that is harmful and exploitative because it disrespects or disregards someone's established personal limits.
Name a boundary
Physical
Emotional
intellectual
Material
What is expressed consent?
A clear, direct statement or action (like a verbal "yes" or a signed form) indicating agreement.
Who can you kiss?
Significant other (boyfriend/girlfriend), parents, close family members
A stranger asks for Silvia's number. Silvia says no! The stranger yells at Silvia to give him her number. Silvia gives the stranger her number.
No, because Silvia stated "no". Then the stranger yelled at Silvia which clearly made her uncomfortable.
Someone posts a picture of you on their facebook without your permission. Is this a boundary violation?
Yes, someone needs to ask to post a picture of you on their personal account.
What is an example of a physical and an emotional boundary?
Emotional: Taking space during challenging conversations when overwhelmed
Asking a friend to stop venting about specific topics that can be draining
Respectfully disagreeing while upholding your own beliefs
Physical: Choosing how you want to physically interact with someone
What is implied consent?
Consent that is not explicitly stated but is understood from a person's conduct, actions, or the circumstances
Can you hug and kiss an Aunt and Uncle you are close with?
Yes! If you are comfortable doing so!
Sarah asks Tony if he wants tea. Tony says no. Sarah pours tea down Tony's throat.
No, Tony did not want to tea. Sarah decided to pour it down his throat anyways.
You partner asks to see your phone. You decline. They take it anyways and look at your text messages. Is this a boundary violation? If so, what type of violation is it?
This is an invasion of privacy boundary violation.
What are examples of Intellectual and Material boundaries
Intellectual
Choosing what personal information is shared with others
Protecting intellectual property (research/projects etc)
Avoiding gossip
Using “I” statements
Communicate clearly
Material
Choosing what and how you want your information shared
Determining what material items you want to share with others
What can you do if you are uncomfortable with someone being too close?
Ask for space, or walk away if they refuse to give you space.
Should you hug a grocery store clerk?
No, you can however give them a wave or say "hi"!
In the past, Callie liked to wear a necklace. Recently she stopped wearing it because it was uncomfortable. One day Harry asked Callie why she wasn't wearing his necklace, and after she told him why, he put the necklace on her anyways.
No, this is not consent. Callie directly told Harry she didn't want to wear the necklace. Instead of respecting her boundaries, he put it on her anyways.
Anthony began yelling at Sue and name-calling her. Is this a boundary violation; and if so, what kind?
Yes, this is a verbal/behavioral boundary, and it can also be considered abusive.
Can consent be withdrawn?
YES! Consent can be withdrawn at any point in time.
Say, do not touch me. If they continue leave and seek out the support of someone you trust.
It's raining outside. Anna did not have an umbrella so Mark asked her if she wanted to share his. She said yes and Mark covered her with the umbrella.
Yes, Mark asked for consent before sharing his umbrella with Anna. It was important to ask Anna if she wanted to share this item because being that close to someone can be uncomfortable.
Is this a boundary violation? Eli asks for a handshake. Jackie said no and gave him a hug.
No, Jackie should have asked to give him a hug after saying no.