Types of Boundaries
What boundary type refers to respecting yours and others' personal space and physical touch?
Physical Boundaries
Which boundary style is best described as "having your walls up"? With this style, you are able to keep yourself safe from others; yet, you are so well guarded that you also cannot feel connection or support from others.
Rigid Boundaries
T or F: To set a boundary you must first set the expectation (or rule) you need someone to follow AND stick to the consequence you've given for violating the boundary.
Bonus: what can you do to reinforce the boundary when it is respected?
True.
Bonus: You can thank the person, or let them know how much you appreciate them respecting your boundary.
Which communication style prioritizes the other person's needs above your own, and can often lead to other people taking advantage of you?
Passive Communication
The "Broken Record No" is a refusal strategy in which you:
A. repeat the simple statement of refusal over and over again until the other person accepts it
B. threaten to break a record over someone's head if they don't listen to your refusal
C. explain that you must refuse the person's request because you will be busy breaking a new world record.
A
Which boundary type refers to the limitations of when, or how much, to share personal information or feelings?
Emotional Boundaries
How would you describe Porous Boundaries?
You can provide a definition, or an example of a relationship that you've had porous boundaries in.
Difficulty saying no to the request of others.
Overshares personal information.
Fears rejection if they don't comply with others.
What is a reasonable consequence you can set as the expectation for the boundary?
Answers may include, "I will no longer allow you to borrow my things, if you can't treat them properly."
"I won't hangout with you anymore"
You can only control their access to you.
What is a defining feature of Aggressive Communication?
Answers could include: it prioritizes your own needs with no regard to the other person's, it is loud, it uses disrespectful language, it interrupts people or does not listen, etc.
Q: Helpful tips when saying no include:
A. being brief and direct
B. remind yourself it is better to be truthful now rather than resentful in the long run
C. Speak slowly and politely
D. Give plenty of elaborate reasons why you're saying no
A
What kinds of rules are we telling people to follow when we set Material Boundaries with them?
Answers could include "telling people to respect our things when they borrow them", "that we are not willing to share something at this time", "who is allowed to borrow what"
Imagine you have a close friend that you enjoy spending time with. But whenever you two disagree on something to do, they are never willing to compromise. You end up going along with their plan because you just want to keep the peace. What boundary style do you have with this person?
Porous Boundaries
What are some things to remember to do when setting a boundary?
Answers could include make eye contact with the person, speak assertively, keep a steady tone at an appropriate volume, plan ahead what you want to say, vent your emotions in a safe place before the conversation, have support people you can go to before and after the conversation.
Assertiveness is the most effective communication style because it:
A. emphasizes the importance of BOTH people's needs
B. it involves compromising while still advocating for your needs
C. it uses direct yet respectful language
D. All of the above
D
Q: How could you change the belief "saying no is rude or aggressive" into a more helpful thought?
"Saying no can be done in a kind and compassionate way."
""Saying no is a healthy boundary and a way to prioritize my needs.""
Which boundary type refers to our right to our own thoughts and ideas? This includes respecting other peoples' different perspective, as well as sticking up for our own beliefs.
Intellectual Boundaries
Imagine you have a classmate who acts like a bully to you. You've tried to be their friend multiple times but they continue to betray your trust. What style of boundary would be most appropriate with this person moving forward?
Rigid Boundaries
Imagine your friend teased you for going to church on Sunday, how could you set a boundary in the moment?
Bonus: What type of boundary would this be?
Reaffirm your religious beliefs are important to you, and if that isn't respected then you'll no longer talk to or spend time with them.
Bonus: Intellectual
How would you respond assertively to this scenario:
It’s a Saturday after a tiring week in program, you have been looking forward to a relaxing day doing your self care, then your sibling/friend says they've missed you so much and they want to spend the whole day with you.
Answers could include, "Hey I've had a tiring week and need to rest and recuperate. Lets try to hangout on a different day."
"I can't hangout today, I need to rest."
Give one example of an unhelpful belief about saying no.
"If I say no, people will think I'm selfish."
"Saying no will make others upset with me."
"I should always say yes to avoid disappointing others."
What kinds of rules are we telling people to follow when we set Time Boundaries with them?
Answers could include "how we want to spend our time", "how much of our time we want to dedicate to things like school or work", "what things are most important to us during the free time that we have"
Give any 3 benefits of Healthy Boundaries
Answers could include: keeping yourself safe from others, receiving support from others, greater confidence, more harmonious relationships, bring order to a chaotic life, more respect from yourself and others
True or False: When someone is testing your boundaries, it is helpful to give them plenty of reasons for your boundary.
False, a simple and direct no is most effective when someone is not respecting your boundary. Explaining your reasoning to someone who is already not respecting your boundary only gives them an opportunity to poke holes in your argument.
Imagine it's Friday afternoon after a long week, you just got out of lunch and it was a challenging meal, you can't wait to go home and get some rest, and then a milieu staff says it's time to come to check-out group. How could you make the following statement assertive:
"No! I'm not going to that stupid group! It's a waste of time, and I'm over it! You can't make me!"
Answers may include:
"Hey I am struggling after the meal and need to take space."
Imagine your close friend is stressed about a homework assignment due tomorrow and begs you to let them copy your work. They're desperate because they are close to failing the class. How can you assertively say no to them?
"I understand you're stressed, but I can't let you copy my work."
"I want to help, but copying isn't the right solution."
"I know it's tough, but it's important to do your own work to learn."