A
A woman shoots her husband, then holds him underwater for 5 minutes, then hangs him. 5 minutes later they both go out to dinner. How?
She is a photographer
I can't be bought, but I can be stolen at a glance. I'm worthless to one person but priceless to two. What am I?
Love
What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath
4 cars come to a 4 way stop, all from different directions. They don't know who was first, so they all go forward at once. None of the cars crash, how is this possible?
They all made a right
Who makes it has no need for it. Who buys it has no use for it. Who uses it can't see or feel it. What is it?
A coffin
I have two coins that total 30 cents. One isn't a nickel. What are the coins?
A quarter and a nickel
What ties together two people but only touches one?
a wedding ring
What word is spelled wrong in the dictionary?
wrong
During which month do people generally sleep the least?
February (less nights)
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
His birthday is February 29th
Turn me on my side, I am everything. Cut me in half, I am nothing. What am I?
8
Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced Louisville or Luee-ville?
Neither. The capital is Frankfurt
What can be driven but doesn't have wheels, and sliced but always stays in one piece?
Golf ball
What can't you put in a saucepan?
it's lid
How far can a squirrel run into the woods?
Halfway, after that, it is running back out of the woods
A man was killed in his home on a Sunday morning. The wife said she was preparing breakfast, the maid said she was cleaning the bathroom, the butler was retrieving the mail, and the son was watching TV in his bedroom. Who is the killer?
The butler, no mail on sundays
First you eat me, but if you get caught, you get eaten. What am I?
Fish bait or fish hook
What is dropped all the time but is never picked up?
Rain drops
Why did a woman drive her car all the way to a hotel just to tell the owner she's bankrupt?
She's playing Monopoly
Two men wearing backpacks are in the desert. The alive man's backpack is open, and the dead man's backpack is closed. What is inside each of their backpacks?
Alive man- nothing
Dead man- a parachute
I left my campsite and hiked south for 3 miles, then turned east and hiked for 3 miles, then turned north and hiked for 3 miles and arrived back to my campsite. There was a bear in my tent, what color was it?
White, the only place you can hike like that is the North Pole (Polar Bear)
What is 3/7 CHIcken, 2/3 CAt, and 2/4 GOat?
Chicago
Hank and Connor went out for drinks. They both ordered whiskey on ice. Hank was thirsty and drank 5 in the time Connor drank 1. Only Connor died. How?
The poison was in the ice
A Japanese ship was leaving for sea. The Captain was going up to the deck and he left his watch on his bunk. When he returned, it was gone. The cook was in the kitchen preparing dinner, the deck hand was fixing the flag that was upside down, the engineer was in the engine room, and the first mate was in navigation. The Captain knew immediately who was lying. Who was it?
The deck hand, the flag can't be upside down
What kind of running also means walking?
Running out of gas