Security
Shenanigans
Shenanigans
What’s the most random or ridiculous thing caught on your building’s security footage?
We’ll be submitting that footage to the Smithsonian under ‘Modern Urban Wildlife.’
What’s the most bizarre work order you’ve ever received? BONUS: If it was panicked or embarrassed phone call
Sounds less likely to be fixed than an election!
What’s a report you receive (or send) regularly that you still kind of don’t understand?
But you look great opening it confidently in meetings.
What’s a quick fix or response from your engineer that completely saved the day?
You blinked. They solved it. And you took the credit. Just admit it.
What’s something basic in your role that took you way too long to understand?
You’re not alone. We’ve all nodded our way through at least one meeting hoping no one asks us to define ‘LOI.
Tell us about a time someone got past security who absolutely should not have.
The ancient art of confidence-based infiltration is still alive and well.
What’s a maintenance issue that seemed small—until it very much wasn’t?
Minor issue. Only cost six hours, a crane, a long email to ownership, $40,000.00 in the form of a chicken farm, and your grandmothers pie recipe.
When have you been completely blindsided by a data request?
And just like that, the catacombs of the windows file explorer claimed another soul.
When did an engineer anticipate a problem before anyone else even noticed?
They felt it in the pipes. They always do.
What’s an acronym or term you confidently used wrong… for way too long?
Bonus points if you corrected someone else. Wrongly. Loudly.
Describe your most chaotic or confusing after-hours call from security.
Because nothing good happens after 5pm… unless you're at a TYP event!
What’s a fix you (or someone else) jerry-rigged that somehow actually worked?
Congratulations! You’re now legally a structural engineer in three states and a still in formation nation being thrown together by tech bros in the Caribbean. Not Illinois though.
Tell us about a time you found an error that changed everything.
One small error for man, one giant adjustment for NOI
Tell us about a moment when an engineer shouldn’t have been able to fix something… but absolutely did.
We call that technique: ‘Industry magic, with a side of OSHA anxiety
When did you pretend to understand something—only to get caught?
The pause. The stare. The moment you realized you’ve been exposed
What’s the weirdest item your security team has ever confiscated or flagged?
We’ve added it to the official building lost-and-damned list.
Tell us about a time an elevator betrayed you
That elevator now has a restraining order from three tenants and one engineer.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to explain in a written report… and how did you spin it?
Truly inspiring use of passive voice and strategic vagueness.
What’s a moment when your engineer was comically overprepared?
They weren’t wrong. You were just under-imagining the problem.
What’s something you still kind of fake understanding because you’re too deep to ask now?
Don’t worry, we’ll all nod supportively while you continue living this beautiful lie.
Tell us about a security situation so strange or embarrassing, you weren’t sure whether to laugh, call legal, or fake a sick day.
HR, Legal, and the closest priest have all been notified.
Describe a facilities disaster so bad it made the news… or should’ve.
We’ll forward your story to the next onboarding class under ‘Things to Expect When You’re Expecting Full Building Failure.’
What’s a reporting mistake so big or so embarrassing, you’re still waiting for someone to notice?
What’s a reporting mistake so big or so embarrassing, you’re still waiting for someone to notice?
What’s the most heroic, chaotic, or downright cinematic moment you’ve seen from your engineering team?
A dramatic slow clap begins. The credits roll. Somewhere, a boiler nods in approval.
What’s a training or onboarding moment you completely misunderstood… and just ran with it? (You cannot say the US Harassment training, due July 31st)
And that’s how new processes are born. Accidentally. And permanently