1L Life
In class when you suddenly forget your own name, what a contract is, and how to read English — all b/c you made eye contact at the wrong time.
What is getting cold called?
The most useless class you are required to take as a Cardozo 1L.
What is elements?
This group holds meetings open to the public — assuming, of course, you can find out when and where they're happening w/o a scav. hunt.
What is the SBA?
This professor is infamous for their cold calls and also collects raincoats.
Who is Professor Sterk?
This test ensures that your soul remains trapped in multiple choice hell for at least two more months after grad.
What is the bar exam?
You passed Contracts & Con Law... but you still might not graduate if you don’t watch a 30-min video on how to do basic research for this requirement.
What is professionalism?
This office proudly supports all career goals — but seems extra excited if your dream job involves figuring out how to live on a fellowship stipend.
What is the Office of Career Services (OSC)?
This organization helps you spend your weekends arguing fake cases in front of fake judges — for the real-world experience of almost never doing it again.
What is moot court?
This professor drinks a Coke Zero every morning at 9 AM.
Who is Professor Burstein?
This annoying exam sneaks up on 3Ls just when they thought their only enemy was the bar exam.
What is the NYLE?
Two credits, 30+ hours perfecting citations, and infinite trauma.
What is Legal Writing?
If you got into this program, congrats: you just became your entire section’s unofficial spokesperson for “diversity.”
What is the Gates/Martinidez Program?
Where you go if you want to win awards for improv-ing as a neutral third party — and getting weirdly intense about fake contracts.
What is ADR?
This professor has a patent for a muppet in his office.
Who is Professor Pollack?
This company emails you 4 times a week to remind you that falling behind even one day will "statistically" ruin your chances.
What is Barbri?
This class tricks you into thinking you're doing serious intellectual work — until you realize it’s just vibes depending on who’s the judge.
What is Con Law I?
This event leads to the highest number of IG posts tagged "future lawyers" in one night (other than grad).
What is Barrister’s Ball?
This organization reminds you that at law school, not all "original ideas" are good ideas.
What is the Federalist Society?
This professor went to a crazy Bushwick party.
Who is Professor Wansley?
This is the unofficial full-time job of people after graduation.
What is finding a job?
You thought law school was about learning the law — but it was actually about this corporate blood feud, where you earned “points” for clicking on emails, pretending to research, and silently crying over Boolean searches.
What is Lexis vs. Westlaw?
Developing resilience isn't just about surviving cold calls — it’s also about surviving days when basic building functions turn into a choose-your-own-adventure challenge.
What is dealing with broken elevators and bathrooms?
This alumni organization was briefly the name of MLSA this past year.
What is Ballsa?
This professor's first client as an attorney was Paul McCartney when the Beatles split up.
Who is Professor Goodrich?
Months are spent planning for this ceremony, buying overpriced gowns + sitting through just to hear your name butchered in front of their whole family.
What is graduation (Commencement)?