What is my need here?
She's irresponsible: we all agreed to let someone know if we weren't going to show up.
Reliability, respect, consideration
She's irresponsible: we all agreed to let someone know if we weren't going to show up.
When I hear that none of us has received a call from her saying she'd be absent, I feel disappointed because I have a need to rely on agreements being kept.
I hope my voice doesn't start shaking.
Acceptance, competence, effectiveness
I hope my voice doesn't start shaking.
When I remember my voice sometimes shakes when I get nervous, I feel even more nervous because I want to be able to communicate effectively and be understood.
Everyone else here knows more NVC more than I do.
Competence, acceptance, respect
Everyone else here knows more NVC more than I do.
When I see you all expressing needs so quickly, I feel anxious because I want to be more competent. I'm also nervous because I am hoping be accepted in this group.
This group of people is so cold and rigid.
This group of people is so cold and rigid.
When I don't see anyone greeting new people, I feel uneasy because I value a welcoming and inclusive space.
She always takes more time than anyone else.
Mutuality, consideration, efficiency
She always takes more time than anyone else.
When I recall how long she took to answer the last question, I feel impatient because I would like to use group time more efficiently.
I can't stand the way they're being so sweet. Don't they realize NVC is not about being nice?
Authenticity, connection, understanding
I can't stand the way they're being so sweet. Don't they realize NVC is not about being nice?
When I hear the dozens of compliments, praise and positive judgments over the course of the evening, I feel annoyed because I yearn for authentic connection.
People needing therapy ought to get professional help. We can't handle that level of dysfunctionality here!
Safety, integrity, competence
People needing therapy ought to get professional help. We can't handle that level of dysfunctionality here!
After watching that last interaction, I feel really worried because I want peoples' emotional needs to be well attended to, and I am not confident that we have the skills to do that here.
This is the third time he's disrupted our opening circle by arriving late.
Cooperation, respect, order
This is the third time he's disrupted our opening circle by arriving late.
When I see him arrive late for the third time during the opening circle, I feel irritated because I would like to see more consideration of how it affects the flow of what we are doing.
This is boring.
Stimulation, purpose, challenge
This is boring.
When I hear the trainer explaining the process, I feel bored, because I need to learn something new.
It disgusts me when people don't prepare for these meetings and just expect those of us who did our homework to supply the answers.
Mutuality, appreciation, support
It disgusts me when people don't prepare for these meetings and just expect those of us who did our homework to supply the answers.
When I see the same three people having done their homework, I feel disgusted because I wanted equal participation and sharing of the work.