Name That Style
Name the style.
"Whatever. I don't care."
Passive
Reword using "I" statements.
"You never listen to me."
Example:
I feel unheard when I try to talk and I'm interrupted. I would like to be listened to.
Complete the "I" statement.
You get ignored in a group conversation.
I feel _____ when _____ because _____. I would like _____.
Example:
I feel left out when I’m ignored because I want to be heard. I would like to be included.
Reflect on how each response affects feelings and relationships by being either peaceful or problematic.
"Okay, we can do it your way, but I won't be happy about it."
Problematic: May build resentment and doesn't express true feelings
Find a fair compromise.
Two kids want to use the same ball.
Take turns using the ball or play a game together.
Name the style.
"I feel upset when you ignore me."
Assertive
"You always blame."
Example:
I feel hurt when I’m blamed for everything. I would like to talk through things fairly.
Complete the "I" statement.
Your partner talks over you during a project.
I feel _____ when _____ because _____. I would like _____.
Example:
I feel disrespected when I’m interrupted because my ideas matter. I would like to finish my thought.
Reflect on how each response affects feelings and relationships by being either peaceful or problematic.
"I feel frustrated when I'm left out. Can we talk about it?"
Peaceful: Expresses emotions calmly and invites resolution.
Find a fair compromise.
Two friends want to work on different projects.
Combine ideas or alternate projects.
Name the style.
"You always do this! You never help!"
Aggressive
Reword using "I" statements.
"You're being annoying!"
Example:
I feel frustrated when I don’t have space to think. I would like some quiet time.
Complete the "I" statement.
A friend spreads a rumor about you.
I feel _____ when _____ because _____. I would like _____.
Example:
I feel betrayed when someone shares false information because it damages trust. I would like you to stop.
Reflect on how each response affects feelings and relationships by being either peaceful or problematic.
"Whatever. You clearly. Don't care anyway."
Problematic: Passive-aggressive and likely to escalate conflict.
Find a fair compromise.
One person wants to play inside, the other wants to play outside.
Spend some time inside then go outside.
Name the style.
"I guess I'll do it all myself, again."
Passive
Reword using "I" statements.
"You never help with anything."
Example:
I feel overwhelmed when I have to do everything alone. I would like some help.
Complete the "I" statement.
A classmate laughs at your question.
I feel _____ when _____ because _____. I would like _____.
Example:
I feel embarrassed when people laugh at my ideas because I want to feel safe asking questions. I would like respect.
Reflect on how each response affects feelings and relationships by being either peaceful or problematic.
"Let's each share out ideas and find something we both like."
Peaceful: Promotes collaboration and mutual respect.
Find a fair compromise.
One wants music on, the other wants silence.
Use headphones or take turns with music.
Name the style.
"Let's talk about a way we can fix this."
Assertive
Reword using "I" statements.
"Why do you always act like that?"
Example:
I feel confused when things happen without explanation. I would like to understand.
Complete the "I" statement.
Your siblings breaks something of yours and doesn't apologize.
I feel _____ when _____ because _____. I would like _____.
Example:
I feel angry when my things are broken and there is no apology because it feels unfair. I would like them to take responsibility.
Reflect on how each response affects feelings and relationships by being either peaceful or problematic.
"You never do anything right! I should just do it myself."
Problematic: Aggressive and damaging to the relationship.
Find a fair compromise.
Two students want the same role in the group.
Share the role or take turns leading.