Xmas Song Thesaurus Abuse
Oh holiday arbor, oh holiday arbor. How aesthetically pleasing be your dendrite-like extensions.
What is O Christmas Tree?
Once upon a time…
A boy wanted a toy
And the daddy ran alllll over to get the toy
Cuz he forgot
But all the places said the toy was gone
So the daddy dressed like the toy
And he beat the other daddy who wanted the toy
And he got the toy
The End
What is Jingle All the Way?
Soundless nocturnal period. Sacred nocturnal period.
Everything be serene. Everything intensely beams of light.
What is Silent Night?
Once upon a time,
The bad guy assidently made the snowman alive.
But he wanted his hat back.
But the kids said no, snowman needs it or he’ll die.
And the bad guy said, I don’t care.
And the one girl helped the snowman stay alive.
Until he melted and died.
But he comes back to life when you give him the hat!
The End.
What is Frosty the Snowman?
The entirety of my holiday requesting be my pair of immediately proximal dentures.
What is All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth?
The current conditions in the air evokes fear,
Yet the flames produce ever enjoyment.
Because you and I have no current travel plans.
Allow it to frostily precipitate, Allow it to frostily precipitate, Allow it to frostily precipitate.
What is Let it Snow?
Once upon a time…
There was a boy.
He was supposed to go with his mommy and daddy.
But he didn’t make it.
Cuz he was asleep.
And then the bad guys said, let’s rob the house.
But the boy used lots of stuff to beat the bad guys up.
It was funny!
The End.
What is Home Alone?
My holiday desire consists of a large, portly, semiaquatic mammal.
Solely one of these large, portly, semiaquatic mammals shall satisfy my desire.
What is I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas?
Once upon a time…
The froggy said, “Can I PLEASE go home?”
The mean man said, No!
He was real mean.
Then mean man got scared by the ghosts
And became a nice man.
So he got food for the froggy and the piggy and the baby froggy.
The End.
What is A Muppet Christmas Carol?
At this location arrives Lil’ Suzanne snow particle
Adorned in a long dress of the girl looked after by the seven dwarves
What is Suzy Snowflake?
Head garment atop cranium,
Rose-shaded formal wear,
Has to be Saint Nick,
Has to be Saint Nick,
Has to be Saint Nick, Saint Nicholas.
What is Must Be Santa?
Once upon a time,
The guy said, I don’t wanna be Santa!
But the elf said, “Too Bad! Cuz you touched his clothes!”
And the guy said, No!
Yes!
And he got fat and grey hair.
And he said, ok I’m Santa.
But the mommy said, “Hey guy you scare me. You can’t come to be with the boy anymore.”
No.
Yes.
But then they let him cuz they saw he wasn’t scary.
He was Santa now!
The End.
What is The Santa Clause?
I witnessed Jenny in her new role pressing lips with Pere Noel beneath the bushel designated for that our prior eve.
What is I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?
Once upon a time…
The guy said, hi I’m Santa.
And they said, you’re cuckoo.
No.
Yes. And I’ll see you in court mister.
And they went to the court.
And the judge said, ok he’s Santa.
Cuz the money says God, we can say he’s Santa. Yay!
The End.
What is Miracle on 34th Street (1994 version)?
Euphoric happiness to our planet! The ruler hath arrived. Allow our planet to accept this as her imperial leader.
What is Joy to the World?
The thing arrived on a 12:00am transparent,
That magnificent ditty from yesteryear.
What is It Came Upon a Midnight Clear?
Once upon a time…
There was a boy.
He got real big.
And liked pusghetti
And Santa said, hey I know your daddy. You should go find daddy.
The boy got real happy.
The daddy said, you’re a weirdo and I don’t like you.
But the boy said no, you love me.
And the boy was so happy everyone else liked him.
The little boy, the step-mommy, the girl at the store,
They all liked him.
So the daddy said, ok you’re not so bad.
The End.
What is Elf?
Northward atop the dwelling coverage,
Tap noise, tap noise, tap noise,
Southward through the dwelling smoke escape chute
Alongside positive New Orleans football player Nicholas
What is Up on a Housetop?
Once upon a time…
There was a girl.
She loved a boy.
But the boy didn’t love her back.
So she said, Imma go far far away.
And the other girl, she hated her boyfriend for being a poo poo head,
So they said, hey, how ‘bout you come here and I go there?
And they said okayyyy.
And they found new boys to love,
Like the napkin head guy. Hehe.
The End.
What is The Holiday?
Our collective unit is casually strolling in the gases above the ground.
Our collective unit is buoyant in this lunar-lit cloud-laden area.
The beings way down on the ground are in dreamland while we move like birds do.
You’re advised to be aware of your surroundings. You’re advised against tearing up. You’re advised against being a Grumpus. I’m giving you the rationale. Cinter Klaus is traveling to Indiana, PA.
What is Santa Claus is Coming to Town?
Once upon a time…
There was a man.
He made all the toys.
But then the kid, he took his secrets and said, “Now I make the toys!”
So the man got real sad.
Til he was a grandpa,
And the girl told her grandpa, he can make toys together.
He didn’t want to b/c he was real sad,
But the girl made him unsad.
And they made a real good toy!
The End.
What is Jingle Jangle?
Almighty creator, let your cheery lads take a siesta
Allow zero you are emotionally exhausted by
Recall Jesus the hero
Has a birthday on December 25.
What is God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman?
Once upon a time…
The boy was real scared and sad.
Cuz he lost the money.
The mean old man found it and he said, “you’re in trouble!”
So the boy said, I don’t like it anymore.
I need to be dead.
But the dead guy said, “no, don’t be dead like me! See?”
And the boy saw, aw people get real sad and real bad if he dead.
So he said ok, I’m not gonna be dead.
And the dead guy said, good, now I get wings to be nice & dead forever.
The End.
What is It's a Wonderful Life?
I sincerely lack ability to remain here. Izby, conditions out there are frigid! I must escape. Izby, conditions out there are frigid!
What is Baby It's Cold Outside?