Things Dad Says
An exclamation following an incident such as Mom neglecting to plug in the Tesla after driving it.
"Damnit Janice!"
Dad prefers this female rapper over Nicki Minaj.
Cardi B
A recurring symptom of Mom's FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is asking this question.
"Whaaat are you doing???"
Imagine Dad...just 3 decades years younger.
Jordan
She used her expertise gained from this profession to save Daddy a whopping $150 on their first house.
Realtor
A phrase used to indicate agreement with what has just been said. It will be followed up with a lecture...that you've heard before.
"Shooooot"
For Mom, this playlist is on repeat all December.
Michael Bublé Christmas
I hope you weren't planning on a late night! Mom will mandate this as soon as SHE is tired.
Everyone has to go to bed
Has a job but Dad still pays her phone bill.
Sadé
Mom and Dad's joint (and short-lived) venture into the restaurant business.
Samurai Sam's
A warning phrase that lets you know you need to get your act together.
"You can hang it up"
While Dad's favorite drink is Grand Marnier, he doesn't mind sippin' "gin and juice" like this famous rapper.
Snoop Dogg
A phrase used to end a slew of remarks that probably make you say "MOM!!!" (even though you were probably thinking the same thing).
"I'm just saying"
Most likely to go pro as a video gamer.
Jason
A phrase Mom says in reference to her job as a dental hygienist in the Navy.
"I was green-side"
The response to a compliment on his children's achievements.
"Their mother has a Ph.D in parenting"
You can bet Mom is listening to this hit from Van Morrison while she gardens.
Brown-Eyed Girl
A skill that Mom has mastered through decades of practice.
Selective Hearing
The detectives
Dad dabbled in the investment banking world with this firm.
Morgan Stanley
A non-explicit interjection used to emphasize a noun. For example, "He made all that ________ money in the NFL".
"Daggone"
With as many kids as Dad has, it is no surprise that Dad's losing his mind just like this rapper who once said "Y'all gon' make me lose my mind".
DMX
An example of this is "It's like how Toyota makes the Honda Accord"
Mom Mislabeling Brands
Controlled by her father.
Tori
"Wired tight" from the Persian Gulf War, Dad takes up a musical pastime in college. This was his DJ name.
DJ Booty