Columns

The Families

100

Once upon a time...

There was a city.

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In that city ruled a wise king. But he was very old, so his evil son controlled more and more of the city. This story takes place when the wise king is sickly and the evil prince is ruling.

Within that city there were two specific families important to this tale. There was Kara and her stepmom, Diantha, and Kara's dad, Joseph, and Kara's stepsister, Naan. Next door lived her boyfriend Jim and his parents.

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Kara was a very nice girl, with brown hair and leafy green eyes, who was friendly, outgoing, and highly original. She was a marvelous artist.

Diantha was a round woman who was an excellent housekeeper and gave good advice.

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Joseph was wise and smart and brave and fair and a model of practically anything.

Jim, in contrast to Kara, had blond hair and blue eyes. He was funny, pleasant, and had extraordinary skills at engineering and inventing.

500

Naan was selfish, mean, and jealous. If she had a virtue, it would be generosity (of snappy remarks). She is seldom home, since she is studying at the university.

Now the evil prince Alphonso had seen some of Kara's artwork and decided he wanted her to marry him. So he decided to set up a contest to choose himself a wife.

The Girl

100

Kara was summoned to go to the contest. She talked with Diantha about it. Diantha gave this advice: "Do your best, because your best is all you can do."

At the contest, the herald announced the first competition.

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"YOU MUST MAKE THE PRINCE A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF CLOTHING" Naan made a splendid robe. Kara knitted a simple sock.

"DANCE AND SING FOR THE PRINCE" Naan did a beautiful waltz to "the sun of Italy". Her green dress swished over the floor as her red slippers whirled through the air. Now Kara...

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Her pink slippers rose and fell to the sweet gentle music of 'Beautiful Tonight' by Krystal Meyers as she twirls around the dance floor, the disco ball flashing above.

"PAINT THE MONA LISA AS BEST YOU CAN" Naan painted a fair imitation. Kara didn't know what the Mona Lisa was, so she painted a peaceful country scene. "TAME A HORSE" Naan failed epicly. Kara was given an already tame horse, so she did fine.

400

Kara was chosen. She was told she would marry the prince in the morning. However...

Naan wanted to marry the prince, so she told Kara she would take her place and wear a veil that would covered her face so they wouldn't know it was her. Kara, being honest, said no because it would not be honest.

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So Naan tried someone else. Jim. Jim and Kara had wanted to marry each other for years, so Naan and Jim came up with a scheme that Kara approved of.

The next morning...

The Danger

100

As Kara walked up the isle strewn with flowers toward the prince, a ring flashed on her hand. Then Jim walked in and said, "What'cha up to, wife?"

The prince is infuriated, but he gets stabbed by Naan in the back! Kara cries out, "NAAN! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!" She falls crying to the floor as Jim rushes over to comfort her. Naan had not mentioned this in the discussion.

200

Naan raced out the back door and away. There is utter chaos for sevral minutes until the wise king says, "Subjects. Be silent." Silence reined in the hall. He announced that Kara's father would be king, having been a trusted advisor since he was a little boy.

So Joseph ruled as king with Diantha as Queen. Kara married Jim and all was happy in their peaceful city.

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Meanwhile...

Naan had gone off and married a different city's prince and now she ordered the army to attack Joseph's city.

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Kara sat holding baby Dandir while watching Jim work on his latest project. "What IS that going to be, Jim?" "Oh, i dunno what it's called. I'll just call it the small round gray thing." "What is it?" "A superweapon! It can explode and blow up the stuff around it for a mile!"

Their daughter Lisa came in. "Uh, dad, Naan and her army are kind of attacking the city. What can I do?"

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Jim says, "Cheese an' crackers! I wish my invention was ready! Anyway, Lisa, you can't help. Just stay safe with Mother, ok?" "But dad, I wanna help!" "No. It's too dangerous for a child like you. Stay!"

Lisa made a face and stomped her sneakered foot and whirled to leave, her brown hair swishing.

The Child

100

And so battle was joined. Swords flashed, bows fired, armor clanked, and roars echoed all around.

Now Lisa turned toward the dark side. She crept out of the city.

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She made it to where Naan was. She told her, "I'm here to help. I know you are family, and I want our family to be back together. I am here to offer service. I can get Kara's baby Dandir, and Joseph would rather surrender the city than let Dandir get hurt. I will do this if you swear on your life that you will not harm anyone when you capture the city." Naan, of course, agreed, not intending to keep the promise.

Lisa went back home and told her parents about her plan. They were furious at her disobedience, but they allowed her to continue.

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Meanwhile...

In Naan's army an official named Berker was planning to assasinate Naan and take control of the army.

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Jim finished his small round gray thing and gave Lisa the prototype. Lisa stowed it carefully in an extraordinarilly realistic baby doll (Kara painted it). She then went to Naan's camp.

She approached Naan and handed her the doll, then got out of there fast. The tent exploded neatly and Lisa got away.

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Now Berker saw his chance. He took control of the army and they plunged toward the city.

Jim acted swiftly. He tied the small round gray thing to the backs of the Hamster Brigade led by Steddo (a descendent of Steddy the Superb himself). The hamsters raced out.

The Heroine

100

They made an epic run, dodging feet and swords alike. When they reached the center of the army, they pressed the 30 second self-destruct button. Then they all burrowed into the ground.

BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM

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And so there was peace and plenty forevermore.

Lisa became the heroine of the world. The End.