Verbal and Non-Verbal
This type of communication uses spoken or written words to send a message.
What is verbal communication?
Before responding when you're angry, doing this can give you time to calm down and think.
What is pausing/taking time before responding?
This communication style involves expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly while respecting others.
What is assertive communication?
Your friend is talking about something important, but you keep checking your phone. What should you do?
Put the phone away and give them your attention/use active listening.
Rolling your eyes while someone is speaking is an example of this type of unhelpful communication.
What is negative/nonverbal communication?
Facial expressions, posture, gestures, and eye contact are all examples of this.
What is non-verbal communication?
Name one healthy strategy someone could use to calm down before addressing a conflict.
Examples: deep breathing, taking a break, walking away temporarily, counting, etc.
Instead of saying, “Whatever, I don't care,” an assertive communicator does this.
Clearly and respectfully states what they think, feel, or need.
A friend keeps interrupting you while you're trying to explain how you feel. What could you say assertively?
“I'd like to finish what I'm saying, and then I want to hear your side.”
Interrupting, blaming, name-calling, and yelling can all do this to a conflict.
What is escalate/make the conflict worse?
Someone says, “I'm fine,” while looking down, avoiding eye contact, and speaking quietly. Which part of the message might you believe more?
The non-verbal cues, because they do not match the verbal message.
You're extremely angry and want to send a text immediately. What is a healthier first step?
Wait until you've calmed down before responding.
Complete this assertive “I-message”: “I feel ___ when ___ because ___, and I would like ___.”
Responses vary but should identify a feeling, behavior/situation, reason/impact, and request.
Your partner on a group project isn't completing their work. Instead of accusing them of being lazy, what could you say?
“I'm feeling stressed because we still have several parts unfinished. Can we decide who will complete each part and when?”
Saying “You ALWAYS do this!” and “You NEVER listen!” uses these types of statements that can make people defensive.
What are absolute/generalizing statements?
During an argument, your words say “I'm listening,” but you're crossing your arms, sighing, and looking away. What communication problem is occurring?
Your verbal and non-verbal messages are inconsistent/not matching.
You're angry about something a friend did. Name two things you should do before having the conversation.
Responses may include calm down, identify the actual problem, think about what you want to communicate, consider the other person's perspective, choose an appropriate time/place.
A friend pressures you to do something you don't want to do. Give an assertive response that includes a clear boundary.
Example: “No, I'm not comfortable doing that. I'm not changing my mind.”
A friend sends you an angry text that you think is unfair. You're angry too. What would be a more effective response than immediately texting back?
Pause, calm down, clarify the situation, and respond when able to communicate respectfully—possibly in person.
Instead of discussing the current problem, someone brings up every mistake the other person has made during the past year. What makes this unhelpful?
It shifts attention away from resolving the current issue and can increase defensiveness/conflict.
Two students use the exact same words—“That's great”—but one sounds excited while the other rolls their eyes and uses a sarcastic tone. Why can the messages have completely different meanings?
Tone, facial expression, body language, and other non-verbal cues affect how verbal messages are interpreted.
During a conflict, explain why “calming down” does not mean ignoring or avoiding the problem.
Calming down helps manage the emotional response so the issue can be addressed more thoughtfully and constructively later.
What's the difference between assertive and aggressive communication?
Assertive communication expresses your own needs/feelings while respecting others; aggressive communication may disrespect, threaten, blame, or violate the rights/needs of others.
Your friend makes a joke about you in front of others that embarrasses you. You are angry, but you want to preserve the friendship. What would an effective response look like?
Calm down first, speak privately, use an I-message/assertive statement, describe the specific behavior and its impact, and clearly communicate what you'd like to happen differently.
Someone says, “Fine! Do whatever you want!” but then ignores the other person for the rest of the day instead of discussing the issue. Identify the communication problem and give a healthier alternative.
Avoiding/shutting down or passive communication; healthier response would be calmly and assertively discussing the concern when ready.