“What Style Is This?” (Scenarios)
Jordan shrugs and says, “It doesn’t matter,” even though he’s upset.
✅ Passive
If you never speak up when you’re mad →
✅ Feelings build up, possible explosion later (Passive outcome)
“Whatever.”
✅ “I actually don’t agree. Can we talk about it?”
Avoids eye contact, quiet voice
✅ Passive
Someone takes your seat
Aggressive: “Move before I move you.”
Passive: Walk away silently.
Assertive: “Hey, I was sitting there. Can I have my seat back?”
“Back up before I make you!”
✅ Aggressive
If you yell every time →
✅ Conflict increases, consequences, damaged relationships (Aggressive outcome)
“You always do this!”
✅ “I feel frustrated when this keeps happening.”
Loud voice, clenched fists
✅ Aggressive
You’re not picked for a team
Aggressive: “Y’all lame anyway.”
Passive: Pretend you don’t care but feel hurt.
Assertive: “I feel left out. Can I join next round?”
“I don’t like being called that. Please stop.”
✅ Assertive
If you say how you feel calmly →
✅ More respect, better problem solving (Assertive outcome)
“I don’t care.” (But you do.)
✅ “I do care, but I don’t know how to say it.”
Calm tone, steady eye contact
✅ Assertive
Staff says no
Aggressive: Slam door.
Passive: Say nothing but complain later.
Assertive: “Can you explain why it’s a no?”
“I’m cool,” but later hides the other person’s shoes.
✅ Passive-Aggressive
If you act nice but secretly get back →
✅ Trust breaks, drama continues (Passive-Aggressive outcome)
“Say that again and see what happens.”
✅ “I feel disrespected when you say that. Please stop.”
Smiling but rolling eyes
✅ Passive-Aggressive
Rumor spreads
Aggressive: Start a fight.
Passive-Aggressive: Post something indirect online.
Assertive: “I heard you said something about me. Can we talk?”
“Good job…” said sarcastically.
✅ Passive-Aggressive
Most likely to get you in trouble?
✅ Aggressive (though passive-aggressive can also cause problems)
“I feel ___ when ___ because ___. I need ___.”
Example:
✅ “I feel angry when I’m talked over because I want to be heard. I need you to let me finish.”
Looks calm but angry inside
✅ Passive or Passive-Aggressive (accept both if justified)
Feel disrespected in front of others
Aggressive: Threaten.
Passive: Laugh it off but feel hurt.
Assertive: “I don’t like being talked about like that.”