Dad Jokes
Did you get a haircut?
No I got them all cut
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
I don't trust stairs
They're always up to something.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!"
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
"Dad, can you put the cat out?"
"I didn't know it was on fire."
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurt-y.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
What concert costs just 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
How can you tell that a joke is a dad joke?
It is apparent
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because of all of its problems!
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity
It's impossible to put down!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad.
It's a faux pa.