Animal Jokes
What kind of sweaters do tortoises wear?
Turtle Necks
Why do spiders enjoy computers so much?
They like to play on the web
What happens when a grape is getting old and cranky?
It starts to wine
Why was the piano locked out of the house?
It lost its keys
When are teachers most annoying?
When they get test-y
How can you tell a whale is sad?
How do you keep a computer's breath fresh?
Give it a docu-mint
What fruit unlocks doors?
Can you clean your teeth with a musical instrument?
Yes, use a tuba toothpaste
How can you get your pen to march?
Yell, "Left, write! Left, write, left!"
Why are fish so easy to fool?
Because they're so gill-able
Why did the computer call the exterminator?
It had a mouse
Why did the banana get a speeding ticket?
He got caught peeling out of the parking lot
What instrument do dogs play?
The trom-bone
What class do snakes teach at school?
Hiss-tory
What's a good name for an oyster?
Pearl
How do computers get into honors classes?
They do through a screen-ing process
Why did the police photograph the cup of coffee?
To get its mug shot
What instrument is ideal for shopping at the mall?
How do omelets get into school?
They have to pass an egg-zam
What energy snacks to chimps like?
Monkey bars
Which TV shows are the cleanest?
Soaps
How do you send a bouquet to someone on Mother's Day?
You caul-i-flower shop
Did the drum win the contest?
No, it got beat
Why are prisoners good at biology?
Because they know a lot about cells